Leadership traits that separate real leaders from ordinary men....

Sometime back, while making a presentation to some young people about leadership traits and what I had done for my career growth, someone asked me what was the sign of a great leader? I know I am nothing like what a great leader should be - I am a very ordinary guy, who can easily be part of a crowd where probably nobody would ever notice me a second time, but this question was very generic, so I thought about it for a few seconds; and gave a very stockpile answer about what the leader does or should do, how he can be a team player and take strategic decisions and not tactical ones, … you get the drift. The attendees took notes, and seemed happy – but I was intrigued.  There had to be more that separated leaders from ordinary men. What did Shackleton do?  What made Sam Manekshaw a great leader? What about Churchill, or Alexander or Gandhi? What makes a real leader? 

Then I remembered a poem that my mother had read to me a long time back – and I thought this would apply to any good leader, irrespective of age or sex of the person. I like to think that I have grown keeping this as my goal, and if I can show even half of these traits, I will consider myself to have been a successful leader.

So here is the Poem If, penned by one of my favorite writers – Rudyard Kipling. 

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, 

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, 

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, 

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: 

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster 

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken 

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, 

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 

And lose, and start again at your beginnings 

    And never breathe a word about your loss; 

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew 

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you 

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, 

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, 

    If all men count with you, but none too much; 

If you can fill the unforgiving minute 

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

2013 – In Hindsight

To say 2013 went by quickly would be the understatement of the year.

With the communication technology so vastly improved, there has been an overdose of social apps. There is little we don’t know about the connected people in our network, and at times we know a bit more than needed. But, as has been my practice over the past few year, here is a summary of what happened in the year around me.

People we lost in 2011

Nelson Mandela was perhaps the biggest news of the year, and though he had been in & out of the hospital with near death experiences, the news still created a feeling of sadness around the world for having lost one of the last great leaders.

Margaret Thatcher was another one that had impressed me with her leadership skills. The Iron Lady, as she was commonly called, had a great stint as the UK PM for nearly 11 years.

I grew up reading the books written by Tom Clancy, and his death in the year was another big loss.

  

Major news events in 2013 that made headlines, and caught my attention:

• Kumbha Mela in Prayag (Allahabad) in India
• Sachin Tendulkar retired from cricket – for me that was probably the last attraction for Indian Cricket.
• Swami Viveknand’s 150^th birth anniversary was celebrated across the globe
• Barrack Obama took the oath to continue as the USA president for the second term.
• Narendra Modi made a lot of headlines in India and emerged as a leading candidate for post of India’s Prime Minister
• Arvind Kejriwal created the AAP (Aam Aadmi Party – Common Man’s party) which swept the ruling Congress Government from power in Delhi. He seems to have a lot of charisma, and if he can remain honest, he will be able to do wonders for the India Politics.
• Obamacare ran into multiple issues – both political and logical (with the launch causing severe performance issues).

 The Kids

Shivangi is now a senior at University of Southern California (USC), majoring in Industrial Systems Engineering. She graduated earlier in 2011 from Mills College with major in Math. In the summers, she interned at Niagara Water bottling company in Ontario, California and wants to pursue a career in Supply Chain Management. She was elected the Vice President of her sorority at USC, and has built a good network for herself.

Neha, turned 21 on the last day of the year. She is now a senior in St. Mary’s college, majoring in Bio-chemistry, and is thinking about a career in medicine, genetics or pharmacology. She has continued to be very involved in the local Hindu chapter of the Hindu Volunteers Group (HSS) and helps in running its daily activities by helping her mother with the efforts in that area. Her 21^st birthday was a fun event – where Nandita had planned a surprise party for her. We had invited some of her friends, Shivangi’s friends and our close family friends over for lunch on the day, while Nandita took her out to get her nails done. It was fun to surprise her. Earlier, over the weekend, Nandita had arranged for a helicopter ride from San Carlos airport to Half Moon Bay – thanks to her friend, Terri Mead.

Both the girls will graduate in May of 2014.

Nandita and I

Nandita and I turned are inching towards our 50s. We have been married for nearly 27 years now, and have known each other a lot longer (since 1981).

We are so pleased and honored to see so many people feel comfortable visiting our humble abode and staying with us. Between April and Dec, I think there was barely a week when there was no friend/family member visiting us or staying at our place. Some of the folks that visited us were Nandita’s Cousin with her family (Rucha’s parents) from Pune; my College Professor Mrs. Sumedha Nashikkar and her husband, Anil (took me nearly 20+ years of convincing to finally get her to come); my college friend Farhan Pettiwala and his wife, Navya; Our childhood friend Sharmila Dey and her daughter; Alicia and Jeff Sandoval; Tanvi Sinha, and my wife’s neice Priyanka and her mother to name a few. It feels like a good to see people feel at home at our place, and we had some fun times with all our visitors. 

Our jobs

I changed my job last year in November, moving from Bank of America to a start up named Tria Beauty. The company makes laser operated bio-medical devices, which are FDA approved to be used for skin care like at-home Laser Hair Removal, Anti-aging and Acne treatments. I had been keen to move into the start-up sector, and this opportunity just happened to come along at the perfect time, just as both the girls were entering their final year of under-grad education. I am currently the head of IT, and am responsible for eCommerce architecture, ERP and IT Infrastructure. When I look back at what I helped the IT team achieve, I can’t help but feel proud of what the team has done this year (we saved the company nearly $1.5M by sheer negotiations and using better & cheaper options).

Nandita has continued to work as a Director in the Clinical and Technical Affairs at Coagusense, the small start-up company based in Fremont. Coagusense continues to do well, and became profitable this year (its 5^th year of existence) – a huge step for it.

The travels

My business trips took me to Palm Springs, in California, Phoenix in Arizona, Indore and Hyderabad in India. I traveled to Los Angeles as well. During my Indore trip, I got to attend the annual events at Daly College, my Alma Mater, after a few decades. It was very nostalgic and brought back some great memories. I also got to meet some very close friends.

Nandita traveled to Seattle on business trips and Indore to help her brother who was ill.

  

Activities

I continued to be very active as the coordinator for the Contra Costa Chapter of Global Indian Technology Professionals (GITPRO). This year, we had 5 monthly events in our chapter that covered various topics like preparing for an interview, planning your career, Financial and Tax Management, Cloud Technology, Innovation, and Legal aspects of starting your own Venture etc. There is a lot planned for this in 2014.

Nandita and Neha continue to spend their weekends with the Shakha work and supporting the Sewa Project, where the volunteers prepare 75 lunch packages to go and feed the homeless in Berkeley’s People’s Park. Nandita also continued to be involved with her writer’s club, where the members (all ladies group) meet once a month on a Friday evening at someone’s home and read the write-ups that they have prepared. She also contributed a weekly column called Diary of NRI to Daink Bhaskar – a local newspaper published from Bhopal in India.

During my recent India trip, I got to spend a week with my mother. It was a good feeling for both of us, especially after her surgical repair of the thigh bone earlier in Jan 2013. She is doing great, by God’s grace and is able to walk about without the walker. I am hoping to be able to bring her to the US soon.

TV shows and Movies we saw

•   Some mentionable English movies we saw – Man of Steel, Star Trek into Darkness, Thor 2, The Wolverine, Hunger Games – catching Fire, Gravity and Oblivion.
• Hindi Movies –some Hindi movies that we saw (and recommend) – Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, Yeh Jawaani hai Diwani, OMG. 
• TV Serials we followed –Covert Affairs, Rizzolli and Isles, Bones, NCIS, Big Bang Theory, The Mentalist, Person Of Interest, Necessary Roughness and Sherlock.

Other happenings – Sachin’s retirement from Cricket and being awarded Bharat Ratna, the highest Civilian award in India. 

Looking forward into 2014 – In the first half of the year, I have plans to travel to San Antonio in Texas, Miami in Florida, Seoul in Korea and London in UK . I am also hoping to take a cruise this year and a vacation to Australia/NewZealand as well as take my daughters for a short vacation trip to India. On my work front, I am getting ready to launch a new eShopping website that we designed and built.  Here is hoping that all these can go very smoothly, as planned. I am looking forward to meeting more of my close friends and family in 2014. Cheers!!

2020 A.D -- an article I wrote in 1988

A few weeks back, I was searching for some documents in the boxes kept in my garage and found a bunch of papers there. The stack was a set of three articles that I had written for the first ever magazine published by my engineering college, VIT (in Pune, India). My friend, Raja Ghosh and I, were part of the editorial board and I remember him and I typing this on his dad’s old typewriter (him more than me). The papers and articles brought back lot of good old memories and I thought I’d share one of those articles with you.

This one was supposed to be a comic view about what the world would probably be like in 2020 AD. Considering that this was written in 1988, when I read it now, I think it could be considered as “almost” prophetic. The idea behind the article came from something my childhood friend, Bharat Chitale, had written for my high school magazine in 1979-80. Anyways, here is that article for your reading. Enjoy:

“Good Morning. This is the All India Radio giving you the news”. 

“India’s Prime Minister, Mr. Rahul Gandhi, has warned the North eastern countries that they would pay heavily if they did not stop interfering with the internal affairs of India. The Prime Minister was talking to the reporters after the 73^rd Independence Day celebrations in Delhi. “

Shucks – when will these people ever learn? Why can’t they believe in more action and less words? His father, Rajiv Gandhi, had made a similar speech as did his grandmother, Indira Gandhi and so did his great-grandfather, Jawaharlal Nehru.

“The Prime Minister also told the reporters that India will not be exploding any more nuclear devices this year. He said that the country will now be producing fully indigenously developed aircrafts for the Air Force, tanks for the Army, and submarines for the Navy. The parade was marked with the usual gaiety and pomp, which has become associated with the ceremony over the decades. It was attended by dignitaries from the embassies, members of the cabinet, MPs and people from the various states. However, the Adivasis of the Bastar Area of M.P and the surrounding areas of Bihar, abstained from the ceremony as a mark of protest against the Government’s refusal to accept their language and to grant full statehood status to Chatthisgarha.”

When will these leaders stop playing with the minds of simple minded voters? The stupid voters never realize that they are mere playthings in the hands of these politicians, who incite the mobs to become violent, then withdraw and enjoy the ongoing drama that pursues.

“On the international front, the president of the newly independent Sindh and Baluchistan State has appealed to the public to work harder to ensure that their newly found freedom is harder is not wasted. He was speaking at a ceremony to mark the end of the week-long festivities which were organized to celebrate their independence from Pakistan. “

“In England, the Asian majority has assured the white minority that in no way will their interests be harmed. However, they have warned that no violence of any kind will be tolerated from the minorities.”

That is very amusing; it reminds me of the time when Mrs. Thatcher was the PM. The farsighted leader had foreseen this kind this kind of trouble, but was opposed by everyone. I bet she is laughing at all her detractors now and telling them “I told you so”.

“News from the war in Afghanistan is that the Chinese Army is now struggling to maintain its foothold in the mountainous regions, where the rebels have waged a gorilla war for some time. You may remember that Afghanistan was invaded by the erstwhile USSR in 1980 and then by USA in 2002. Both USSR and USA had to withdraw after a decade of occupation, that wrecked heavy economic turmoil in their homeland”.

Nobody has been able to rule the country in the last 2000 years. And that means nobody – from the inside or outside. So why do people keep trying… they should just cover that place with a glass bowl and watch the happenings from outside.

“In the news from the world of sports, the President distributed trophies to the outstanding sportsmen and sports women of the country. He praised the Indian hockey officials and players for winning the Olympic medal after nearly forty years. Some of you might remember that the Indian team last won the Olympic Gold in Men’s hockey in 1980, in Moscow. The President criticized the Indian Kabaddi teams for their dismal performance in the Olympics. As you may recollect, the men’s kabaddi team came a dismal 14^th out of 16 participants while the women’s team came a poor 5^th out of 10 teams. The gold medal in Men’s Kabaddi competition was won by American men, who narrowly beat the Japanese men. In the women’s section, Russia won the event by beating England.”

The same old story – the women always do better than the men. They should just stop sending the men to these tournaments.

“In cricket, Zimbabwe was placed very strongly against India in the third test match of the five test series. After scoring a massive five hundred and seventy two runs in the first innings, Zimbabwe shot out India for a paltry two hundred and twenty runs. Asked to follow on, the India team was in trouble again. At the end of the day, they were one hundred and thirty for five wickets. Zimbabwe has already won the first two test matches.”

Damn it – I always knew it was of no use picking these guys from Kashmir and MP in the Indian team. They might as well have chosen people from Andaman and Nicobar islands!! I miss the days when Sachin Tendulkar and Sunil Gavaskar used to bat!

“Meanwhile, in the West Indies, China defeated West Indies by eight wickets in the third one day international match, which was following the 25 over format. The Chinese won the series 3-0. Most of the damage to the West Indies was done by the Chinese pace bowlers, while the famous West Indian spinners could barely get any benefit from the wickets.”

Why do they even invite the Chinese to play? Everyone knows how strong that team is. They are practically invincible. The West Indies should just stop participating in International cricket for some time. They had even lost to Nigeria in their last endeavor.

“Back on the home front…….”

Kkrr – crash – screech ----- crackle  --- click…..

Oh lord!! Power shortage still persists.

Remembering my childhood buddy – Jayesh Somaiya

I recently lost my childhood friend Jayesh Somaiya. It came as a huge shocker – totally out of the blue when Mahipat sent me a message on Facebook and broke the news that he had passed away a week earlier due to multiple organ failure resulting from heart issues, complicated further by excessive weight and heavy smoking.

Jayesh and I studied together from fourth grade until the twelfth. His elder brother Girin was a few years my senior, and Paras, his younger brother was a few years my junior. Two of his cousins, Atul and  Bhushan, also studied in DC. He was always smiling, laughing, and being jovial. I never remember seeing him getting upset or hassled about anything. Never a great guy in studies, he was always a good friend. Teachers often got angry at him for creating ruckus in the class. In fact, Mr. Bawa, our English teacher, used his name in one of the class English plays to evoke laughter from the crowd. He lived in Palasia back then, and I’d often stop by his place when riding my bicycle  back from that area. We’d sit in his patio and gossip, and sometimes his dad would join us and would share jokes and life events. The Somaiya family owned a couple of petrol pumps and transport business.  

Around the time we were in 8^th or 9^th grade, we started to learn swimming at the Kamala Nehru Park Swimming pool. In the summer vacations, Sandeep Dalal, Sandeep Kolatkar, Sarvesh Garg, Jayesh and I would meet at the pool around 3 PM. My sister and I were learning how to swim back then. Jayesh and Kolatkar were seasoned swimmers and would swim laps. He’d often stop in the shallow end and give me tips and help me swim. I distinctly remember the time when my sister, who is about 5 years younger than me, was also standing in the shallow end and suddenly slipped. We all thought she had suddenly become brave enough to start dipping her head under water, where as in reality, she was just trying to regain her footing and stand back up. It was Jayesh who quickly swam past me and pulled her up, helping her stand back. He made sure she was ok, before coming over to me, said something funny, laughed and went back to his laps.

He always loved friends. In the seventh grade, we all went trekking to Choral, Patal Pani and Kalakund with our Physics teacher, Mr. N.C Suley. Mr. Suley had just joined our school that year, and when he went to marry the girl he had loved (she was his student in College, where he was a TA to the professor), Jayesh and Amit Khurana openly made jokes at his expense. On the trek, he was so relaxed there. I still have his snap sitting in the Choral River with Sudhir and Thakur. We ribbed him a lot about that snap, and he took it all in good stride, laughing at himself along with us. That same year, our close friends Pankaj and Pushpendra ended up having a rift and refused to speak with each other. Jayesh went out of his way to try and get them back together. He’d push them into the same team in soccer, basketball and was very thrilled to see them playing together. He’d often come to me and tell me what happened in the game and was really thrilled when they became friends again. That was typical of Jayesh.

Every time I visited Indore, he’d be amongst the happiest guys to come and meet me at every get together of the Daly College batch mates. I remember when I was visiting India in 2005, he came and hugged me when I met him at Parikshit’s house. In Dec. 2009 the last time I visited Indore, we also had Balvinder Singh visiting from Malaysia, Rajeev Sharma and Manoj Shekhavat were visiting from the US. Naim Khan was also meeting us after a nearly 25 years. There was a group of about 15 friends that got together with their families. We met in Velocity Complex, at a restaurant owned by our friend Sudhir. As soon as I entered, Jayesh came over to hug me. I noticed he had become even bigger, but so had his smile. He had lost more hair, but none of his joviality and humor. He was in peak form that day, so thrilled to be back with most of his childhood friends. I told him that he was starting to look like his dad – and in his typical fashion he responded, “Yaar, at least that means I am my dad’s son” and burst out laughing. That was typical Jayesh – at his best.  We all laughed, joked, drank, ate and remembered the good old days.

None of the get togethers with friends will ever be the same without Jayesh. We will miss him a lot and every meeting of Old Dalians will always bring his smiling face and jovial nature to our memories. Rest in peace my friend … I am sure you are keeping everyone smiling wherever you are.

Raising kids -- my own childhood and how I raised mine

Once a month, I meet my peer at work, outside of work. David and I go to a nearby café and talk over a cup of coffee. It is a good icebreaker and gives us an opportunity to catch up on things, and see what is happening in each other’s world. Since he has been in the company longer than I, I seek his advice on things and he is always helping me do the right thing. This week, as we were walking towards Martha’s café, we saw this Chinese kid, who was probably about 10-11 years old, acting like a brat on the street and hitting his mom. David commented that the kid needed a thrashing, and that had it been him as a kid, his mother would not have hesitated in giving it to him --- and a minute later, after a few more tantrums, the kids mom pulled him to the side and berated him in Chinese.  As David and I walked away, we started talking about our own childhood -- his in England and mine in India, and how both of us had received thrashings from our mothers for little things when we were kids. Funnily, both of us said we had never been hit by our dads, and also that we credited our parents for making us who we were today.
 

I mentioned to David that recently, there had been a lot of noise about Amy Chua’s “claim” that Chinese Mothers are superior. She tells in her book how she and other Chinese mothers whip their kids into becoming Math whizzes and musical prodigies. The western media has not taken very nicely to that. In the west, people think that kids need to be handled with, well, kid gloves and corporal punishment is an absolute No No. I have seen instances, where passersby have called the authorities when they see someone yelling at their kids or slapping a kid for throwing a tantrum. I remember a particular one -- where my colleague Lavanya’s hubby had gone with his one year daughter to the local library, and she started throwing a tantrum in the library -- you know, like all kids of that age do.  And of course, the dad -- a typical Indian IT guy from the hot southern parts of India, after failing to keep her quiet, lost his temper and took her in a corner of the library and after yelling at her, tapped her on the back. Uh oh -- sure enough, one of the senior ladies watching that, promptly called up the Child Aid agencies and before he knew it, he was in the dock, with a threat of having his kid taken away from him. I am sure he was in deeper trouble when he landed home and informed his wife Lavanya about it -- but to make a long story short, both Lavanya and he had to take anger management classes. Lavanya was all freaked out when she came to me, and wanted to take a couple of days off from work, to take care of the formalities. Frankly, this one was no one’s concern outside of the immediate family -- but we can talk about that in another blog.

The parents -- whether "Chinese", "Western" or Indian or any other kind -- all come in assorted  varieties, and I do not claim that any method of raising kids is superior to another. Like every coin, there is always another side and there are pros and cons to each. However, I’d like to use this opportunity to reflect on what my childhood was like with my mother and also, on how we did as parents.

When I was growing up, my mother would make me practice my math at all odd hours. She would wake me at 5 AM every day (I repeat every day, rain or shine). We would use the morning hours to revise and practice problems mathematics and science. I wasn’t allowed to use that time to work on my homework -- it was practice time. It was learning the Math tables initially, and then I moved over to Arithmetic and Algebra. Reading prose was never high on the list -- it was always Math and science. And boy, did she have a temper. I can definitely lay claim to being hit by almost anything that she had in her hands -- from slippers, brooms, clothes hanger, and of course her hands. It was tough to believe that the hands that could be surgically precise, could hit so hard. None of my cousins had to go through that rigorous training and I always envied them. My mother never liked me playing sports -- and when I did pick up cricket; she was very upset as she thought it took a very long part of the day from my routine. She had always wanted me to become an engineer, and when I was in my 8th grade, she got me books to prepare for the entrance exams. However, I wanted to become a doctor. It is funny how I ended up being an engineer. Oh but her wish list did not stop there -- we would hear her praying in front of the gods, that she wanted me to do MBA. She never coaxed me to do that -- but was very happy when I announced to the family that I had decided to give the entrance exam for MBA, and even more elated when I joined IMS for MBA. ( I am sure she thanked the gods and went to the temple with some offerings after that). That is the way she has always been -- always trying to learn new things. Even today, at nearly 80 years of age, she goes to art and computer classes.
 

I remember as a kid, Rani Bai, who worked for our neighbor Dr. D. P. Mukerji, would see me studying/practicing and often getting the thrashings I got when I goofed up. One day, she stopped me as I was heading back home and got talking to me. She said I must hate my mother for all the things she made me do -- and was genuinely surprised when I said I didn’t, as I knew she was doing it for my own good. The answer surprised her and I think pleased her too. She later told my mother about this and my mother was thrilled to hear it too. I was treated well at home for a few days and received a lot of goodies -- but that only lasted a few days. All this while, I don’t ever remember my dad ever raising his voice at me, let alone hit me.

My mother was a tough judge and always expected that I’d be the best. There was always comparison with others -- within the family and outside. I remember, once in the fourth grade, I acted in a school drama. I played the role of a bishop who talks to a robber and tries to convince him to act conscientiously. At the end of the play, all the cast members were introduced to the audience and had to say a line from the play. When my turn came I did too. When I reached home that night -- there was no praise for my performance -- but I was told that I took too long to say my line. That was the last time I ever went on stage to participate in a drama -- and had a complex for a very long time. In my teens, I showed signs of rebellion when I disobeyed her a few times. But on the whole, I still remained with the ethics that I had learned. She was transferred to another city, when I was in my 9th grade -- and I ran the house with the little money that was given to me; paying the maids and the gardener, ordering monthly groceries, and continuing my studies rather well. There were no sleep overs permitted; the curfew to get back home was 9 PM with permission and informing my dad about my whereabouts at all time.

My mother had an uncanny knack of always figuring out that the kids had done something wrong. I remember as a kid, my sister and I dreaded taking medicines, especially the large antibiotics which were given to us almost every time we sneezed or coughed a few times. We thought we could fool my mother by throwing them outside the window. Did I mention that the windows had ledges outside and these medicines would fall on the ledge below and of course, my mother would see them -- like WITHIN THE HOUR. Then there was the time when my sister and I were alone, and I was supposed to be babysitting her. I thought I did a good job, until my mother came home and as she was talking up the stairs, she looked at my sister and said she had cut her hair. I was like -- No way, I was with her almost the entire time. But my mother insisted she was right. To make matters worse, my sister denied everything. Then in 15 minutes, my mother came out with a strand of hair -- my sister’s. I still remember the thrashings we both got. And then there was the time, when I thought I’d be smart and not use soap when I took my bath; but to prevent getting caught, just wet the soap. I still don’t know how she did it, but she caught me the first day. I am pretty sure she had some secret device that monitored everything I did.
 

As a dad, I promised myself that I’d never hit my kids. To date, I think I have kept my promise. I have done my best to give my kids’ confidence in what they do and believe in. I have always said to them that they need to be good, but don’t have to be the best in everything they do. The idea is to be all-rounders, enjoy what you do and become better persons. From what I see of my girls, I like to think that my wife and I have done a good job.  My girls attended and organized sleepovers -- in fact, both my wife and I took pride of the fact that my daughters had so many of their friends come home and that the kids felt as much at home in our house, as they did in theirs. They organized dances and events for the Sunday school that they attended. For the graduation party of Sarika, one of Shivangi’s friends, all her friends used our home as a practice pen to try out the skit and the dance moves. The girls played piano -- actually Neha completed 8 years of the MTAC and Shivangi completed 7 years; and both enjoyed it. I often saw them practicing on their own, without really any external force. Both picked up the paint brush and made several sketches -- Shivangi more than Neha. Their artwork was appreciated and both won accolades for it. They joined and led various clubs in their school lives -- with the intention of really helping people, not just scoring points to get admission in college. Sure their grades weren’t always an A, but I have come to realize from my own experience that life is much more than just getting As. The girls played sports too -- both representing their high school in Varsity Tennis. Shivangi was also the captain of her high school team, and also played for her college tennis team.
 

My wife and I have tried our best to respect the individuality of our daughters. Today, it makes us proud to see Shivangi excel in Math at her college, as she heads into Engineering. She drives confidently and handles most of her issues herself. Just this week, she went into a dorm for the first time and fell ill on the very first day. She called me in the evening from the hospital, where she had gone all by herself, taken an appointment, talked to the doctors, taken her medicines and was returning back to her dorm. And this hospital was not on campus. I take pride that we were able to extend positive reinforcements and provided a nurturing environment to our daughters, as well as prepare them for the future by inculcating good work habits and ethics. And they didn’t have to lose sight of their cultural heritage while doing all this.
 

I have always told my kids that they don’t owe us anything. We are only doing what is our dharma -- our duty --  and would like to see them well settled in their lives. Today, both are over 18 years old, and we consider them more as our friends than our kids. But, they know that we are always there for them, to offer advice or any help that we can. We will do our duty till they are married and I will be happy to see them do the same thing for their kids.

As my dad told me once, in the end, it is about how you manage yourself in front of a crowd that really matters. Do you have a good friends’ circle and do you feel comfortable talking to people and do people feel comfortable talking to you? And that your family is together and children have grown up with values. Those were golden words, and I realized how important they were, when people stopped me several months after my Dad passed away, to talk about the impact he had had on their lives. That, my friends, is the biggest A one can get - -biggest success in life; nothing can come even close to it.

To end on a lighter note, I present a video from the Indian comedian Russel Peters, on Asian Parenting. Hope you all get some good laughs from it.

2010 - a year that just buzzed by too fast

To say that 2010 has been a year of lot of changes would be an understatement. As always, like every year, we felt that this year too went by too fast – but then 2010 was really a fast year for us. A lot happened this year – I changed my job after spending nearly 9.5 years with AT&T, we sold our house and bought a new one, our younger daughter left for college, we (both Nandita and I) traveled to several places for business and personal reasons. Above all, we reconnected with a lot of friends from the past, and present – thanks largely to the social sites like Facebook and LinkedIn.

The Kids

We only need to look at our daughters to realize that time really does fly. Shivangi turned 19 years old while Neha turned 18. Wow – they are almost out of their teens. Both have been tremendous help and have turned out to be very good kids. We are always thankful that we have been part of their lives and that they have turned out to be good, responsible kids.
Shivangi is now a sophomore at Mills College, as part of her three year dual degree program. She completes her BA in Math from Mills in 2012 and will go to USC, to complete her Industrial Engineering in another 2 years. She has gained a lot of confidence and enhanced leadership skills. She traveled, all by herself, to Florida & Oregon, to attend conferences for the shakha related activities – which she continues to be greatly involved in. She also manages the planning for the local chapter of the shakha in San Ramon.

Niharika or Neha, as we call her, turns 18 on the last day of the year. She graduated from California High School and decided to join St. Mary’s college. She will major in Bio-chemistry. She also continues to be involved in the local shakha and helps in planning activities. We see a lot of changes in her, with just six months of college dorm experience. She has gained a lot of confidence and now has opinions and contributions to all our conversations. She still continues to be the baby of the family though 

Nandita and I

Nandita and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary this year. Considering that we are both 46 years old, we have been married for half our lives so far. We have come a long way since 1981, when we first met over the dissection of a frog. (You can read about that here). It still feels like it was only yesterday that I met her and it has been a great ride - I’d do it again in a flash, if I had to.

2010 completes our 10th year in the US and in San Ramon. Life has been good to us here and we are thankful for it every day. In July, we sold the house, in which we had stayed for seven years and bought another one in August. For a short period of three weeks, we had to rent a house – and we’d discourage all our friends to from attempting a move twice in a period of 4 weeks. The new house is great, we have great neighbors here too and we love it. The house is almost an empty nest, as Shivangi too will leave for the dorm in 2011, but we are getting used to it and starting to plan for our life after the kids move out. We can see a lot of travel, reading, pursuing old hobbies in the next several years.

Our jobs

I worked for AT&T as a Technical Director until Mar of 2010 – and that was a good nine and a half years. I loved my job and my team there. However, one of my previous bosses asked if I was interested to work for her again. It is not very often that you get to work with a person you respect, you enjoy working and, with whom, can be on the same mental frequency. It took me some time to figure out that it was worth the risk and today, I am glad that I decided to switch to the Bank Of America. I work there in the eCommerce team as a Sr. VP and am responsible for the delivery of projects. Simply put – I love my job and my team.

Nandita has continued to work as a Director in the Clinical and Technical Affairs at Coagusense. It is a small startup company, based in Fremont and is just getting the product established. The company’s product was approved by FDA and the future looks bright as orders have started coming in.

The travels

In Jan, we returned from a three week long India trip that we took with our friends, Sue and Rory. It was a fun trip and we loved every day there. It was good to reconnect with old friends and visit new places. There is always a lot to see in India. I revisited India in July, though for an official trip. It was a hectic 5 day trip, and I covered Hyderabad and Chennai in those 5 days. I also traveled to Charlotte, NC (about 6 times) and Evergreen (Colorado) on official trips.

Nandita traveled to New York, New Jersey, Princeton, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Chicago, Detroit, Indiana, and San Diego on business trips. Her trips are shorter and more for trials or training of a new customer. She also traveled with Neha to visit Drexel University in Philadelphia, and they visited a few other towns in the neighborhood. She also made a two week trip to India, to visit her mother and brother during their health crisis – both are doing better now.

Shivangi attended a Shakha Yuva Varga (Youth conference) for the West Coast in Oregon and also a national one in Florida. Neha traveled to Philadelphia, to see Drexel University, where she had been accepted, and also visited New York, New Jersey, and Princeton.
We took a short family vacation to San Diego in the last few days of the year.

Activities

We did a lot of things – but nothing beats the concert that Nandita and I attended. It was Paul McCartney’s concert in AT&T Park in San Francisco, where he performed after nearly 40 years. I had wanted to watch him perform since I was 18 years old – and we finally got the chance to do that on the 9th of July, the day after I returned from a very hectic India trip. But, the jet lag vanished when he came on the stage and we sang and danced to all the 45+ songs he sang in a three hour concert - definitely one of the highlights of the year for us.

Nandita participated in the Ekal Marathon – she and her group of friends practiced every Saturday for several months to complete the 13 miles half marathon to support the Ekal Vidyalaya in India. Unfortunately, at the last minute she had to leave for India, to attend to her mother’s health – but thanks to all our friends, she was able to contribute towards the cause to support 3 schools this year (they need $365 per school per year).

The whole family (Nandita more than all of us put together) contributed time and effort in the Sewa project – which is a volunteer effort to feed the homeless in Oakland’s People’s park. We sponsored the food on Shivangi’s birthday and will be sponsoring the lunch in the Livermore temple for Neha’s birthday.

Nandita and the girls continue to be very active members of the Hindu Shakha in San Ramon and Bay area.

I have been very actively involved with the organization GITPRO (Global Indian Technical Professional) chapter in Contra Costa. We had a few meetings his year and plan to have regular monthly meetings in 2011. The intent of the group is to bring together the Indian Technical professionals and guide them to work together to build a solid network across the world. It is a nice group with no political and no religious affiliations/aspirations and only aspires to help Indian Technical professionals.

On the extended family front, things are ok. Nandita’s mother fell and broke her shoulder. Her Alzheimer is worsening with age and there are good days and bad. We are learning to take the good days and making the most of them. One of Nandita’s brothers suffered a heart attack and recovered successfully. My mother is doing fine in Indore, and plans to visit us in early 2012 – by the grace of God, she is quite active and passes her time by reading and painting.

Movies we saw
Some mentionable English movies we saw – Iron Man 2, Harry Potter – Deathly Hallows part 1, The A Team, Eclipse – the twilight Saga, Inception, Expendables, Prince of Persia, Despicable Me, Green Zone, Shutter Island, Mega mind, Date Night, Knight and Day, The Bounty Hunter
Hindi Movies – Only some old Hindi movies

Some good Books we readEat Pray and Love, Katha, The winner stands alone,
Leading by questions, Astronomical dating of Mahabharata, Life of Ved Vyas, Strategic Thinking: A Nine Step Approach To Strategy And Leadership For Managers, Our Iceberg is melting, Goal.

Shivangi -- grown up and in college

This one is something that was started by my wife, Nandita, and I have added a few lines.

My elder daughter, Shivangi, started college this week.

It has made me realize how time flies. It makes me realize how limited that duration is, when we have our children to ourselves. Soon all we're left with is all those mental vignettes and snapshots of events...I feel proud to see her blossoming into a confident young woman. Of course there will be celebrations of achievements and culminations of years of hard work - but, I'd always think of her as my little daughter.

I remember the day she was born, about eighteen years ago. We were all crowded around the doors of the Operation Room in Greater Kailash Nursing Home in Indore. After a long night of pains, my wife and I finally came to the hospital. Dr. Ahilya Mukherji was the doctor and Nandita's childhood friend, Anjali, was the assistant. After several hours of wait, they finally decided to take her in the OR to do a C-section, as the baby was getting under stress. I remember the way my father-in-law sat in a corner in the room and prayed, my dad talked to other doctors in the hospital and I paced around the floor outside the OR. At about 7.20 PM, Anjali came out and announced that every thing was ok and we had a baby girl. My first question was about my wife's health and then I went in to see my wife and my baby. There she was -- all wrapped in a bundle, quiet and sleeping. I picked her up gently and clumsily and gently kissed her forehead.

I remember the anxiety when on the third day, I came to the hospital to find her with tubes and under UV light. But it was a minor hiccup. We brought her home soon and things became a blur of activities. As my wife and I had decided, the first child was to be named with the letter S and we chose the name Shivangi - after the name of Lord Shiva, based on a dream I had had (that is a write up for another blog). Shivangi soon became the hub of all activity. She demanded attention and wouldn't let me talk to anyone if she was in the room -- whether she was eating, or drinking milk from her bottle. She'd make this weird grunting noises when I started to say something to anyone else in the room. I also can't forget the countless nights I spent walking in my room with her in my arms, in the middle of the night, so that she could get some sleep. She was adored by one and all -- and was the apple of my dad's eyes. I could sense the attachment in both their eyes when they spent the time together -- so much so that for a long time, Shivangi claimed him as only her grand-dad and Neha, my younger daughter, called him as Didi's (elder sister) grand dad.

She was smart, sensitive and perceptive even as a baby. I clearly remember her first day at the informal pre-school/Day Care behind my house, where she was the only child who was crying when it was time to come home. Then she started a formal pre-school by the name of Mini Land and once again, she frolicked in without a backward glance at us. Her eagerness to go to school persisted next year when she went to Mini Heights where she continued to amaze us with her brilliance. I also remember, that she went to give her interview for the elite private school for Kindergarten. I was so apprehensive when they took her away in a different room, but she just skipped in to match the teacher's step. When they had finished testing her reading/writing and recognition skills and it was time for her to leave, she was adamant that she had not tried all the stations they had set up. We were told that we could just pay the fees at the office and not wait for the final selection list to be posted.

I believe her endearing nature made her the teacher’s pet. She excelled at everything, sports, arts, singing, studies and making friends. I also remember the time we were called by one of her teachers and told that we should not teach her ahead as she gets bored and sits staring out of the window, chair turned back to the blackboard. When we were skeptical of what she could do, the teacher asked Shivangi to write on the blackboard and she promptly did that , explaining as she did that this was so simple. The day that she boarded the school bus for the first time, is still clearly embedded in my memory. My wife stood there, visibly upset, but Shivangi was beaming as the bus conductor took her in and, by the return trip, had made friends with the driver and was already commanding the seat closest to him. She was super excited as she told us about her fantabulous day, and never once said that she missed home. She loved to go to school so much so that one day she ran out incompletely dressed and actually went to school like that.

I remember the time she visited the hospital when Neha was born -- all of 15 months old. She was awfully quiet when she walked in the room. She just sat near Nandita, looking at her and then the new baby. But she quickly adapted, and when we brought Neha home, Shivangi would often push Neha's stroller when we went for walks. They have grown up together into great friends, talking care of each other and ready to support each other. Shivangi always showed deep affection for her younger sister, she never showed any sibling jealousy and willing shared most everything. Her academic life has followed the same high achievement trajectory laced liberally with arts, music , sports and friends. Though, she has given up formal piano lessons, but I still hear her play. She has given up tennis lessons but luckily has been selected to play in her College Tennis Team. She has given up art as a subject, but just last week, she spent a long time in making an oil painting that she gifted to her piano teacher. She is now driving herself, compared to the previous modes of walking holding my hand, walking by herself, auto rikshaw, school bus, and sitting in my car. I will no longer see her waiting to be picked up by me, rather she will get out from her car and stride confidently in.

The last 4 years were devoted towards reaching this goal and now that it is here, I have several feeling. There is however, no feeling of loss, 'cause I have not lost anything. I feel thrilled to see her just the way I had dreamed her to have grown, and yet I know that this is just a beginning of a new journey. It is just end of one chapter for now. There is more to come....