Perfect Storm in Japan

People on the eastern coast of Japan have been working their way through a perfect storm that has hit them on three fronts. First the Earthquake, then the tsunami and now the pending nuclear reactor bust. Just one of these would be enough for ordinary citizens to crack and lose their cool. And that is why I am so impressed with the Japanese – they have lost an undetermined numbers of residents, continue to struggle with the lack of supplies and amenities, are dealing with threats of nuclear radiation – but, there has been no panic. There is concern, and a lot of it, but I don’t see any crazy panic, people running amok or any crazy acts of violence.

Why would I even expect that there would be violence? Let us revisit some of the recent natural disasters in the US, where I have been for the last several years. Among the scenes of homes in ruin and families weeping are included all-too-familiar images of looting, local residents breaking into shops and looting items (not just of daily necessities) out of greed or necessity. We saw these in the recent Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, in last year's earthquakes in Haiti, the BART crisis in Bay Area and some demonstrations in LA. That was just the mob taking over and people doing their follow-the-sheep act. Those scenes reminded me of the riots in India, when the Prime Minister Ms Indira Gandhi was assassinated – I saw people looting the shops for anything and everything. One guy lifted a TV from a shop, and put in an auto-rickshaw. While he waited for his friend to join him, the auto guy ran away with the TV. So this guy, just went in again and got himself another TV.

But there have been no such scenes reported in Japan, almost a week after a 9.0-magnitude earthquake and the tsunami it triggered, which swept several north eastern towns. I saw news clipping where a 79 year old couple was cleaning their house, which survived the mess with little damage. Their response to the TV crew foxed me – they wanted to go and help other people in the neighborhood. In another scene, there were people lined up outside a store to buy necessities. It was a very long line and the store could only accommodate a certain number – so the man at the gates would close the door after every few entrants, politely bow to the guy in front and ask him to wait for his turn. No one was showing any signs of anger or being upset. The same scene was repeated when the officials were distributing drinking water. The truck ran out of it, and there were still several people standing there. They just waited while the officials got another truck and resumed the supply.  

I am always interested in analyzing why people do what they do. And this behavior by the Japanese got me thinking too. My guess is that is this is a cultural difference between the people in the east and the people in the west. Some Americans are raised thinking they are like a one-man army and guys like Rambo are their heroes. Most people in the eastern part of the world are raised to think that honor is important and to not do anything that will bring the family or individual honor down in the eyes of others. That my friends, is a very fundamental difference in attitude and approach to life. I remember the time, right after Hurricane Katrina, there was a cloud burst in Mumbai, India. Thirty Six inches of rain fell in less than 24 hours – yes, I repeat 36” of rain. If that were to happen in California, it would mean eternal floods here. Life came to a standstill in Mumbai. The lifeline of Mumbai, the local trains and all modes of communications/transport were in shambles. The Indian Navy was called to help and they took over the operations. It took about a week to get things back to normal – but there were no riots, no looting, and people were very civilized.

I think that feeling of self-regulation, belonging to a social network, being responsible towards society is very important. Unless we learn to respect the others, and how others perceive us, we will never learn the importance of behavior. It is in times of adversity that the real face comes out. India is a very diverse country. But watch them go at it when the country is playing cricket, or in a crisis or under attack (note recent siege of Mumbai, Kargil War, the three wars against Pakistan) – and you will realize that the entire country stands as one when needed.  If we were to use this criterion for judging the Japanese, they have scored very high in my books. 

I hope the Japanese can recover soon from the mishap and return to a life of normalcy. God bless them and give them the strength to look at the positives in life, which will help them recover from this catastrophe.

Raising kids -- my own childhood and how I raised mine

Once a month, I meet my peer at work, outside of work. David and I go to a nearby café and talk over a cup of coffee. It is a good icebreaker and gives us an opportunity to catch up on things, and see what is happening in each other’s world. Since he has been in the company longer than I, I seek his advice on things and he is always helping me do the right thing. This week, as we were walking towards Martha’s café, we saw this Chinese kid, who was probably about 10-11 years old, acting like a brat on the street and hitting his mom. David commented that the kid needed a thrashing, and that had it been him as a kid, his mother would not have hesitated in giving it to him --- and a minute later, after a few more tantrums, the kids mom pulled him to the side and berated him in Chinese.  As David and I walked away, we started talking about our own childhood -- his in England and mine in India, and how both of us had received thrashings from our mothers for little things when we were kids. Funnily, both of us said we had never been hit by our dads, and also that we credited our parents for making us who we were today.
 

I mentioned to David that recently, there had been a lot of noise about Amy Chua’s “claim” that Chinese Mothers are superior. She tells in her book how she and other Chinese mothers whip their kids into becoming Math whizzes and musical prodigies. The western media has not taken very nicely to that. In the west, people think that kids need to be handled with, well, kid gloves and corporal punishment is an absolute No No. I have seen instances, where passersby have called the authorities when they see someone yelling at their kids or slapping a kid for throwing a tantrum. I remember a particular one -- where my colleague Lavanya’s hubby had gone with his one year daughter to the local library, and she started throwing a tantrum in the library -- you know, like all kids of that age do.  And of course, the dad -- a typical Indian IT guy from the hot southern parts of India, after failing to keep her quiet, lost his temper and took her in a corner of the library and after yelling at her, tapped her on the back. Uh oh -- sure enough, one of the senior ladies watching that, promptly called up the Child Aid agencies and before he knew it, he was in the dock, with a threat of having his kid taken away from him. I am sure he was in deeper trouble when he landed home and informed his wife Lavanya about it -- but to make a long story short, both Lavanya and he had to take anger management classes. Lavanya was all freaked out when she came to me, and wanted to take a couple of days off from work, to take care of the formalities. Frankly, this one was no one’s concern outside of the immediate family -- but we can talk about that in another blog.

The parents -- whether "Chinese", "Western" or Indian or any other kind -- all come in assorted  varieties, and I do not claim that any method of raising kids is superior to another. Like every coin, there is always another side and there are pros and cons to each. However, I’d like to use this opportunity to reflect on what my childhood was like with my mother and also, on how we did as parents.

When I was growing up, my mother would make me practice my math at all odd hours. She would wake me at 5 AM every day (I repeat every day, rain or shine). We would use the morning hours to revise and practice problems mathematics and science. I wasn’t allowed to use that time to work on my homework -- it was practice time. It was learning the Math tables initially, and then I moved over to Arithmetic and Algebra. Reading prose was never high on the list -- it was always Math and science. And boy, did she have a temper. I can definitely lay claim to being hit by almost anything that she had in her hands -- from slippers, brooms, clothes hanger, and of course her hands. It was tough to believe that the hands that could be surgically precise, could hit so hard. None of my cousins had to go through that rigorous training and I always envied them. My mother never liked me playing sports -- and when I did pick up cricket; she was very upset as she thought it took a very long part of the day from my routine. She had always wanted me to become an engineer, and when I was in my 8th grade, she got me books to prepare for the entrance exams. However, I wanted to become a doctor. It is funny how I ended up being an engineer. Oh but her wish list did not stop there -- we would hear her praying in front of the gods, that she wanted me to do MBA. She never coaxed me to do that -- but was very happy when I announced to the family that I had decided to give the entrance exam for MBA, and even more elated when I joined IMS for MBA. ( I am sure she thanked the gods and went to the temple with some offerings after that). That is the way she has always been -- always trying to learn new things. Even today, at nearly 80 years of age, she goes to art and computer classes.
 

I remember as a kid, Rani Bai, who worked for our neighbor Dr. D. P. Mukerji, would see me studying/practicing and often getting the thrashings I got when I goofed up. One day, she stopped me as I was heading back home and got talking to me. She said I must hate my mother for all the things she made me do -- and was genuinely surprised when I said I didn’t, as I knew she was doing it for my own good. The answer surprised her and I think pleased her too. She later told my mother about this and my mother was thrilled to hear it too. I was treated well at home for a few days and received a lot of goodies -- but that only lasted a few days. All this while, I don’t ever remember my dad ever raising his voice at me, let alone hit me.

My mother was a tough judge and always expected that I’d be the best. There was always comparison with others -- within the family and outside. I remember, once in the fourth grade, I acted in a school drama. I played the role of a bishop who talks to a robber and tries to convince him to act conscientiously. At the end of the play, all the cast members were introduced to the audience and had to say a line from the play. When my turn came I did too. When I reached home that night -- there was no praise for my performance -- but I was told that I took too long to say my line. That was the last time I ever went on stage to participate in a drama -- and had a complex for a very long time. In my teens, I showed signs of rebellion when I disobeyed her a few times. But on the whole, I still remained with the ethics that I had learned. She was transferred to another city, when I was in my 9th grade -- and I ran the house with the little money that was given to me; paying the maids and the gardener, ordering monthly groceries, and continuing my studies rather well. There were no sleep overs permitted; the curfew to get back home was 9 PM with permission and informing my dad about my whereabouts at all time.

My mother had an uncanny knack of always figuring out that the kids had done something wrong. I remember as a kid, my sister and I dreaded taking medicines, especially the large antibiotics which were given to us almost every time we sneezed or coughed a few times. We thought we could fool my mother by throwing them outside the window. Did I mention that the windows had ledges outside and these medicines would fall on the ledge below and of course, my mother would see them -- like WITHIN THE HOUR. Then there was the time when my sister and I were alone, and I was supposed to be babysitting her. I thought I did a good job, until my mother came home and as she was talking up the stairs, she looked at my sister and said she had cut her hair. I was like -- No way, I was with her almost the entire time. But my mother insisted she was right. To make matters worse, my sister denied everything. Then in 15 minutes, my mother came out with a strand of hair -- my sister’s. I still remember the thrashings we both got. And then there was the time, when I thought I’d be smart and not use soap when I took my bath; but to prevent getting caught, just wet the soap. I still don’t know how she did it, but she caught me the first day. I am pretty sure she had some secret device that monitored everything I did.
 

As a dad, I promised myself that I’d never hit my kids. To date, I think I have kept my promise. I have done my best to give my kids’ confidence in what they do and believe in. I have always said to them that they need to be good, but don’t have to be the best in everything they do. The idea is to be all-rounders, enjoy what you do and become better persons. From what I see of my girls, I like to think that my wife and I have done a good job.  My girls attended and organized sleepovers -- in fact, both my wife and I took pride of the fact that my daughters had so many of their friends come home and that the kids felt as much at home in our house, as they did in theirs. They organized dances and events for the Sunday school that they attended. For the graduation party of Sarika, one of Shivangi’s friends, all her friends used our home as a practice pen to try out the skit and the dance moves. The girls played piano -- actually Neha completed 8 years of the MTAC and Shivangi completed 7 years; and both enjoyed it. I often saw them practicing on their own, without really any external force. Both picked up the paint brush and made several sketches -- Shivangi more than Neha. Their artwork was appreciated and both won accolades for it. They joined and led various clubs in their school lives -- with the intention of really helping people, not just scoring points to get admission in college. Sure their grades weren’t always an A, but I have come to realize from my own experience that life is much more than just getting As. The girls played sports too -- both representing their high school in Varsity Tennis. Shivangi was also the captain of her high school team, and also played for her college tennis team.
 

My wife and I have tried our best to respect the individuality of our daughters. Today, it makes us proud to see Shivangi excel in Math at her college, as she heads into Engineering. She drives confidently and handles most of her issues herself. Just this week, she went into a dorm for the first time and fell ill on the very first day. She called me in the evening from the hospital, where she had gone all by herself, taken an appointment, talked to the doctors, taken her medicines and was returning back to her dorm. And this hospital was not on campus. I take pride that we were able to extend positive reinforcements and provided a nurturing environment to our daughters, as well as prepare them for the future by inculcating good work habits and ethics. And they didn’t have to lose sight of their cultural heritage while doing all this.
 

I have always told my kids that they don’t owe us anything. We are only doing what is our dharma -- our duty --  and would like to see them well settled in their lives. Today, both are over 18 years old, and we consider them more as our friends than our kids. But, they know that we are always there for them, to offer advice or any help that we can. We will do our duty till they are married and I will be happy to see them do the same thing for their kids.

As my dad told me once, in the end, it is about how you manage yourself in front of a crowd that really matters. Do you have a good friends’ circle and do you feel comfortable talking to people and do people feel comfortable talking to you? And that your family is together and children have grown up with values. Those were golden words, and I realized how important they were, when people stopped me several months after my Dad passed away, to talk about the impact he had had on their lives. That, my friends, is the biggest A one can get - -biggest success in life; nothing can come even close to it.

To end on a lighter note, I present a video from the Indian comedian Russel Peters, on Asian Parenting. Hope you all get some good laughs from it.

2010 - a year that just buzzed by too fast

To say that 2010 has been a year of lot of changes would be an understatement. As always, like every year, we felt that this year too went by too fast – but then 2010 was really a fast year for us. A lot happened this year – I changed my job after spending nearly 9.5 years with AT&T, we sold our house and bought a new one, our younger daughter left for college, we (both Nandita and I) traveled to several places for business and personal reasons. Above all, we reconnected with a lot of friends from the past, and present – thanks largely to the social sites like Facebook and LinkedIn.

The Kids

We only need to look at our daughters to realize that time really does fly. Shivangi turned 19 years old while Neha turned 18. Wow – they are almost out of their teens. Both have been tremendous help and have turned out to be very good kids. We are always thankful that we have been part of their lives and that they have turned out to be good, responsible kids.
Shivangi is now a sophomore at Mills College, as part of her three year dual degree program. She completes her BA in Math from Mills in 2012 and will go to USC, to complete her Industrial Engineering in another 2 years. She has gained a lot of confidence and enhanced leadership skills. She traveled, all by herself, to Florida & Oregon, to attend conferences for the shakha related activities – which she continues to be greatly involved in. She also manages the planning for the local chapter of the shakha in San Ramon.

Niharika or Neha, as we call her, turns 18 on the last day of the year. She graduated from California High School and decided to join St. Mary’s college. She will major in Bio-chemistry. She also continues to be involved in the local shakha and helps in planning activities. We see a lot of changes in her, with just six months of college dorm experience. She has gained a lot of confidence and now has opinions and contributions to all our conversations. She still continues to be the baby of the family though 

Nandita and I

Nandita and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary this year. Considering that we are both 46 years old, we have been married for half our lives so far. We have come a long way since 1981, when we first met over the dissection of a frog. (You can read about that here). It still feels like it was only yesterday that I met her and it has been a great ride - I’d do it again in a flash, if I had to.

2010 completes our 10th year in the US and in San Ramon. Life has been good to us here and we are thankful for it every day. In July, we sold the house, in which we had stayed for seven years and bought another one in August. For a short period of three weeks, we had to rent a house – and we’d discourage all our friends to from attempting a move twice in a period of 4 weeks. The new house is great, we have great neighbors here too and we love it. The house is almost an empty nest, as Shivangi too will leave for the dorm in 2011, but we are getting used to it and starting to plan for our life after the kids move out. We can see a lot of travel, reading, pursuing old hobbies in the next several years.

Our jobs

I worked for AT&T as a Technical Director until Mar of 2010 – and that was a good nine and a half years. I loved my job and my team there. However, one of my previous bosses asked if I was interested to work for her again. It is not very often that you get to work with a person you respect, you enjoy working and, with whom, can be on the same mental frequency. It took me some time to figure out that it was worth the risk and today, I am glad that I decided to switch to the Bank Of America. I work there in the eCommerce team as a Sr. VP and am responsible for the delivery of projects. Simply put – I love my job and my team.

Nandita has continued to work as a Director in the Clinical and Technical Affairs at Coagusense. It is a small startup company, based in Fremont and is just getting the product established. The company’s product was approved by FDA and the future looks bright as orders have started coming in.

The travels

In Jan, we returned from a three week long India trip that we took with our friends, Sue and Rory. It was a fun trip and we loved every day there. It was good to reconnect with old friends and visit new places. There is always a lot to see in India. I revisited India in July, though for an official trip. It was a hectic 5 day trip, and I covered Hyderabad and Chennai in those 5 days. I also traveled to Charlotte, NC (about 6 times) and Evergreen (Colorado) on official trips.

Nandita traveled to New York, New Jersey, Princeton, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Chicago, Detroit, Indiana, and San Diego on business trips. Her trips are shorter and more for trials or training of a new customer. She also traveled with Neha to visit Drexel University in Philadelphia, and they visited a few other towns in the neighborhood. She also made a two week trip to India, to visit her mother and brother during their health crisis – both are doing better now.

Shivangi attended a Shakha Yuva Varga (Youth conference) for the West Coast in Oregon and also a national one in Florida. Neha traveled to Philadelphia, to see Drexel University, where she had been accepted, and also visited New York, New Jersey, and Princeton.
We took a short family vacation to San Diego in the last few days of the year.

Activities

We did a lot of things – but nothing beats the concert that Nandita and I attended. It was Paul McCartney’s concert in AT&T Park in San Francisco, where he performed after nearly 40 years. I had wanted to watch him perform since I was 18 years old – and we finally got the chance to do that on the 9th of July, the day after I returned from a very hectic India trip. But, the jet lag vanished when he came on the stage and we sang and danced to all the 45+ songs he sang in a three hour concert - definitely one of the highlights of the year for us.

Nandita participated in the Ekal Marathon – she and her group of friends practiced every Saturday for several months to complete the 13 miles half marathon to support the Ekal Vidyalaya in India. Unfortunately, at the last minute she had to leave for India, to attend to her mother’s health – but thanks to all our friends, she was able to contribute towards the cause to support 3 schools this year (they need $365 per school per year).

The whole family (Nandita more than all of us put together) contributed time and effort in the Sewa project – which is a volunteer effort to feed the homeless in Oakland’s People’s park. We sponsored the food on Shivangi’s birthday and will be sponsoring the lunch in the Livermore temple for Neha’s birthday.

Nandita and the girls continue to be very active members of the Hindu Shakha in San Ramon and Bay area.

I have been very actively involved with the organization GITPRO (Global Indian Technical Professional) chapter in Contra Costa. We had a few meetings his year and plan to have regular monthly meetings in 2011. The intent of the group is to bring together the Indian Technical professionals and guide them to work together to build a solid network across the world. It is a nice group with no political and no religious affiliations/aspirations and only aspires to help Indian Technical professionals.

On the extended family front, things are ok. Nandita’s mother fell and broke her shoulder. Her Alzheimer is worsening with age and there are good days and bad. We are learning to take the good days and making the most of them. One of Nandita’s brothers suffered a heart attack and recovered successfully. My mother is doing fine in Indore, and plans to visit us in early 2012 – by the grace of God, she is quite active and passes her time by reading and painting.

Movies we saw
Some mentionable English movies we saw – Iron Man 2, Harry Potter – Deathly Hallows part 1, The A Team, Eclipse – the twilight Saga, Inception, Expendables, Prince of Persia, Despicable Me, Green Zone, Shutter Island, Mega mind, Date Night, Knight and Day, The Bounty Hunter
Hindi Movies – Only some old Hindi movies

Some good Books we readEat Pray and Love, Katha, The winner stands alone,
Leading by questions, Astronomical dating of Mahabharata, Life of Ved Vyas, Strategic Thinking: A Nine Step Approach To Strategy And Leadership For Managers, Our Iceberg is melting, Goal.

Water Harvesting in Indore

The recent spate of floods in India has become a cause for concern for many in the stricken areas. While there are floods in some parts of the country, there are any parts that are facing acute water shortage.

I remember when I was a kid, there was a lot of rainfall (average was 44 inches per annum) and there was never a shortage of water. We would run in the monsoon rains and play. We’d make little paper boats (I got my grandmother to make me some) and watch them float into the flowing water. It was fun activity for all the kids in the neighborhood. I still have photographs that show that the water level in the Khan river was right up to the road level near Navlakha and that lakes like Pipliyapala, Bilawali and Sirpur, were full. So what has gone wrong now, that we are facing such water shortage issues. My personal opinion is that we have ruined the water supply supply system ourselves by the lack of planning and our greed to build and usurp land. Here is why:

About 40 years ago, I remember that the roads in Indore had little “Naalis” on the side. These were like the tiny drains on the side of the roads to drain the access water. These then dumped the water into the creeks (called Naalas) flowing in the city, which eventually met the Khan river or were emptied into the city lakes. Since there was a lot of open land, water would seep into the ground and replenish the underground water. And there were hundreds of thousands of trees, mainly in the catchment areas.

Now we have done away with the Naalis by the roads. The creeks are filled with dirt or are covered by land usurpers and homes have been built on those. Basically, we have cut the capillaries and arteries of the supply system. There are fewer open land slots. As a result, all the rain water is wasted. And of course, there are no trees left in the entire city -- let alone in the catchment areas. Can you imagine, even this year Indore received about 35 inches of rain and there is a short supply? Compare that with places in California or even the village of Anna Hazare, which only get about 7 inches of rain in the entire year, but is totally self sufficient in terms of water.

In California, there is a lot of greenery in the suburbs. The reason is that the government has mandated grey water be harvested and used for watering the grass and plants in the local gardens. Drains collect the rain water from roof tops and from the sides of the road and this is then sent to local creeks. Basically, water is harvested. Anna Hazare has done the same thing in his tiny village in Maharashtra.

It is still not too late. We can recover from this mess that we have created ourselves. All it needs is some collective will power and good leadership.

Shivangi -- grown up and in college

This one is something that was started by my wife, Nandita, and I have added a few lines.

My elder daughter, Shivangi, started college this week.

It has made me realize how time flies. It makes me realize how limited that duration is, when we have our children to ourselves. Soon all we're left with is all those mental vignettes and snapshots of events...I feel proud to see her blossoming into a confident young woman. Of course there will be celebrations of achievements and culminations of years of hard work - but, I'd always think of her as my little daughter.

I remember the day she was born, about eighteen years ago. We were all crowded around the doors of the Operation Room in Greater Kailash Nursing Home in Indore. After a long night of pains, my wife and I finally came to the hospital. Dr. Ahilya Mukherji was the doctor and Nandita's childhood friend, Anjali, was the assistant. After several hours of wait, they finally decided to take her in the OR to do a C-section, as the baby was getting under stress. I remember the way my father-in-law sat in a corner in the room and prayed, my dad talked to other doctors in the hospital and I paced around the floor outside the OR. At about 7.20 PM, Anjali came out and announced that every thing was ok and we had a baby girl. My first question was about my wife's health and then I went in to see my wife and my baby. There she was -- all wrapped in a bundle, quiet and sleeping. I picked her up gently and clumsily and gently kissed her forehead.

I remember the anxiety when on the third day, I came to the hospital to find her with tubes and under UV light. But it was a minor hiccup. We brought her home soon and things became a blur of activities. As my wife and I had decided, the first child was to be named with the letter S and we chose the name Shivangi - after the name of Lord Shiva, based on a dream I had had (that is a write up for another blog). Shivangi soon became the hub of all activity. She demanded attention and wouldn't let me talk to anyone if she was in the room -- whether she was eating, or drinking milk from her bottle. She'd make this weird grunting noises when I started to say something to anyone else in the room. I also can't forget the countless nights I spent walking in my room with her in my arms, in the middle of the night, so that she could get some sleep. She was adored by one and all -- and was the apple of my dad's eyes. I could sense the attachment in both their eyes when they spent the time together -- so much so that for a long time, Shivangi claimed him as only her grand-dad and Neha, my younger daughter, called him as Didi's (elder sister) grand dad.

She was smart, sensitive and perceptive even as a baby. I clearly remember her first day at the informal pre-school/Day Care behind my house, where she was the only child who was crying when it was time to come home. Then she started a formal pre-school by the name of Mini Land and once again, she frolicked in without a backward glance at us. Her eagerness to go to school persisted next year when she went to Mini Heights where she continued to amaze us with her brilliance. I also remember, that she went to give her interview for the elite private school for Kindergarten. I was so apprehensive when they took her away in a different room, but she just skipped in to match the teacher's step. When they had finished testing her reading/writing and recognition skills and it was time for her to leave, she was adamant that she had not tried all the stations they had set up. We were told that we could just pay the fees at the office and not wait for the final selection list to be posted.

I believe her endearing nature made her the teacher’s pet. She excelled at everything, sports, arts, singing, studies and making friends. I also remember the time we were called by one of her teachers and told that we should not teach her ahead as she gets bored and sits staring out of the window, chair turned back to the blackboard. When we were skeptical of what she could do, the teacher asked Shivangi to write on the blackboard and she promptly did that , explaining as she did that this was so simple. The day that she boarded the school bus for the first time, is still clearly embedded in my memory. My wife stood there, visibly upset, but Shivangi was beaming as the bus conductor took her in and, by the return trip, had made friends with the driver and was already commanding the seat closest to him. She was super excited as she told us about her fantabulous day, and never once said that she missed home. She loved to go to school so much so that one day she ran out incompletely dressed and actually went to school like that.

I remember the time she visited the hospital when Neha was born -- all of 15 months old. She was awfully quiet when she walked in the room. She just sat near Nandita, looking at her and then the new baby. But she quickly adapted, and when we brought Neha home, Shivangi would often push Neha's stroller when we went for walks. They have grown up together into great friends, talking care of each other and ready to support each other. Shivangi always showed deep affection for her younger sister, she never showed any sibling jealousy and willing shared most everything. Her academic life has followed the same high achievement trajectory laced liberally with arts, music , sports and friends. Though, she has given up formal piano lessons, but I still hear her play. She has given up tennis lessons but luckily has been selected to play in her College Tennis Team. She has given up art as a subject, but just last week, she spent a long time in making an oil painting that she gifted to her piano teacher. She is now driving herself, compared to the previous modes of walking holding my hand, walking by herself, auto rikshaw, school bus, and sitting in my car. I will no longer see her waiting to be picked up by me, rather she will get out from her car and stride confidently in.

The last 4 years were devoted towards reaching this goal and now that it is here, I have several feeling. There is however, no feeling of loss, 'cause I have not lost anything. I feel thrilled to see her just the way I had dreamed her to have grown, and yet I know that this is just a beginning of a new journey. It is just end of one chapter for now. There is more to come....

Solving Nuclear tensions

The wold is currently undergoing another crisis -- the current one being the rhetoric around North Korea making progress in being able to carry out a successful test in its long distance missile program. What has followed has been nothing short of a rhetoric. We had a similar drama when Iran, India and others carried out experiments and explosions. 

So why do we have so much drama every time a third world or progressive nation carries out a nuclear explosion or missile test. Other countries threaten to attack and there is a general brouhaha about the whole scenario that is about as repeatable and impressive as a stale joke. There is so much of negativity generated and such a waste of vibes. the end result will be some sanctions, which don’t really do anything except put the general public of that nation into more dire circumstances.

 Some general questions that come to my mind:

• How can a country manage to get the material required to make the weapons grade material? 
  
• Is there a way by which we can benefit the world by reducing tension?
  

I see that every country wants to be independent in terms of its power generation. The world needs energy. The larger countries want to ensure that they are not attacked. and I am very sure that anybody with brains worth their salts does not  wants small time rogues to land up a catch of nuclear pile and use that to attack other countries -- it could be disaster for all. 

I also realize that nuclear energy has tremendous potential and has the capability of solving the world’s  energy problems. People often have images of Chernobyl’s disaster in the late 80s when they think of nuclear energy plants.  So how can we make this a source of solution to our problems rather than cause more issues and discord  in the world. 

Here is my suggestion:

• Get the UN or another International Agency (like the International Atomic Energy Commission)  to take over the role of a central Energy producing agency. 
  
• Make deals with various countries to establish a consortium. members are entitled to share profits, energy and products.
  
• The consortium should be treated like a business endeavor. 
  
• Acquire land from the member country to set up the plant. 
  
• Security of the plant will be handled by International organization.
  
• The plant will offer job to local population. The resources can also be transferred between various plants.
  
• The technical staff or exerts in nuclear material will be selected from international members.
  
• The surplus energy can be sold to neighboring member countries.
  
• There could be multiple power plants in a country - depending on its size and location.
  

Imagine how many jobs this can create. Contrary to the beliefs, nuclear energy is one of the greenest forms of energy.  It just needs careful monitoring and close coordination.

And most of all, it needs a strong leader who has the will power to do things. I believe the world and US has one now -- and he can lead the world to come together on this issue.

Some advice to kids (and anyone else willing to listen)

My daughter, Shivangi, goes into her college as a freshman later this year. As most parents, I worry about the expenses. As a responsible Dad, I’d like her to be able to stay on the right track from all perspectives – character, health, finance and you name it. So, I thought it would be appropriate if I could jot down a few of my experiences and guidelines for her financial safety.

People make stupid decisions all the time. Some mess up in their retirement accounts, while some take out mortgages they think they can afford, without understanding the full implications. I would like to try and prevent my kids from having a knee jerk response to any issues that come. It is always about planning, planning and more planning for me.
Today’s blog is more about making money – big or small -- and hanging onto it. I learned that doing this comes from combined effects of several factors: education, talent, upbringing, luck, and avoiding scrupulous advisors. It also gives some generic advice based on experience in my life. Few things to remember:

1. We can’t control everything
2. We can only set goals based on what we value most
3. Make plans and take concrete steps to achieve the goals
4. Live within our means
5. Try to manage risk
6. Avoid the bad guys

Of course there are always unknowns that get thrown in the mix. Government policies can change, there could be an environment disaster, stupid and greedy CEOs in Wall Street may wreak havoc on the economy. It is like staying sober, but still getting hit by a crazy drunk driver on an empty freeway.
So, here is sharing some advice and experiences with my darling daughters, Shivangi and Niharika – and many other kids all over the world --- as they prepare to step into adulthood and get ready to face the world. Here are some of the habits (some inborn and some forced) and practices that have helped me in my past two decades.

• 1. Whatever you do, give it your best

It was 1980 and my friends and I were playing cricket on the terrace of Adit’s (a friend) house in Indore (my home town in India). The game was adapted to suit the small perimeter – so things like if the ball hits the side, the batsman scored 2 runs; if it went past the bowler and hit the wall, he got 4 runs; and if the fielder caught it directly or after one bounce, the batsman was out. So, one of my friends hit the ball and I threw myself on the cemented surface to catch the ball. In the process, I ended up getting a little bruised. Someone said that I didn’t need to do play so seriously – but I disagreed. I have always believed in giving my best to the thing on my hand. I have made it a habit to try one more time before I say I can’t. This helped me win difficult matches when I played cricket, and when I designed circuits or applications for my clients. If you really try your best, you won’t have the regrets that you didn’t succeed because of lack of efforts.

• Keep evolving – pick your own skills

After I graduated my high school from Daly College, Indore – I was at cross roads. My high school coaches wanted me to go to Bombay and play cricket there. They felt I had the potential to make it big. My dad wasn’t keen that I leave Indore – so make a long story short, I joined Holkar Science College as a Second year student with Botany, chemistry and Zoology as my subjects. It was a drastic change from Daly College. I did my bachelors (B.Sc) from Holkar Science College in 2 years. Next I did my masters in Organic Chemistry for 2 years - -and then realizing that it was not really what I wanted to do, I decided to switch to Engineering. I joined and completed my Bachelors in Electronics Engineering in 1989 from Pune University. That was a course I really enjoyed and made some very good friends.
My first job was with a small Instrumentation company. I had interviewed at 5 companies and was selected to join all of them. I decided to join Nivo Controls – A Toshniwal Brothers Company, thinking that this will help me learn all aspects of a company. And it did – I enjoyed my 3 years in that company. I managed the development of a Magnetic Flow meter and worked on various circuits. I realized that I had a flair for circuits and reverse engineering. And I had a great memory for circuits that I saw. I also realized that if I had to move up in my career, I had to do a Masters in Business Administration. So I appeared in the entrance exam and was selected to join the IMS in Indore. This was in 1991 and I completed my course in 1994.

In 1992, I decided to start my own business. I took up maintenance contracts of machines and controls for various industries. My first contract was at a friend’s company, which offered me Rs1500/- per month. I eventually added development of customized machines and controllers for them. The company grew from Rs.18000/- per annum in 1989 to about Rs.38, 00,000 in 1999. We were doing job work, manufacturing equipment and machines and a lot more. I consulted for several major lamp filament manufacturers in India, and the Crompton Greaves Phones and IFB microwaves had their electronics PCBs assembled in my shop floor! I was also exporting some controllers. I made things like temperature controllers, Stepper motor drives, power supplies, CFL ballasts, Power conditioners, and a lot more!
And then, in late 1998, I decided to switch lanes and get into software too. So I took courses in Java and other languages. I built websites for companies and also developed software for a community bank. In 1999, I decided to move to the US and joined a company in California. It was a big move, but I decided to go for it, in order to give my daughters a better shot at life. I had to start from scratch, at the bottom of the rug, and reprove myself – and I’d like to think that I have done a fairly good job at it; good enough to now direct and own a team of my own. In 2005, I did my Project Management Professional Certificate from UC Berkeley and learned that I love analyzing human behavior and team dynamics. But, I am still evolving and quite sure that I will soon join another class to learn something new.
Trust me – it will help you stay ahead of the curve. Learn a new language, a new hobby, perfect your current knowledge – whatever … keep doing something every two years or so. Work exceedingly hard, and enjoy harder. Be aware of your competition and realize that your competition is global and you are entirely dispensable. So invest your time and money in developing your distinct abilities and a network that goes with you from job to job.

• Plan A, plan B, plan C

Always plan your moves – have a plan A and a Plan B and sometimes a plan C. Remember that Murphy’s law often kicks in – when you think something is all set, things will start hitting the roof. It never hurts to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. I am a firm believer in under-committing and delivering more.

• Define rich

I highly recommend that you list a few things that are of utmost importance to you. This list should include quantifiable and non-quantifiable items. I would include items like strong and true friendships, health, freedom, or a home or a Mercedes. Set your priorities and put a dollar figure on them. Build a plan that will give you a view of your tomorrow – immediate, 5-year view and a 10-year view. This will help you plan your next moves.

I have always felt that my priorities are getting my kids a good education, staying healthy and ensuring that my kids stay focused on their goals. I bought my first car in US in 3 months and my first house in 3 years. For me the car is just a means of going from point A to point B. Though I have admired expensive cars -and if I could afford to, I’d buy them - I don’t believe in blocking my money in these items. Remember that the car loses its money as soon as it leaves the Dealer’s shop. A house on the other hand, often appreciates. When you decide to buy a house, I’d suggest buying even a small house in an area with good schools and zero crime rates. Its price will almost always go up in the longer run.

• Mind your credit

Pay credit cards on time and in full every month. If you already carry a revolving balance, get rid of it as quickly as possible, even if it requires living at home (or sharing a dorm) for a period of time.
Don’t borrow more than what you can repay. Understand how the banks operate. They make money off you and you need to figure out how to use their money. They will love to entrap you into their credit schemes. You will get a momentary high, and then you will get so dependent that you will need a cold turkey treatment to get out of the debt trap. Learn to say No – keep minimum numbers of credit cards and you will find that you have a good credit score.
Once you understand the mechanics of the credit system and ratings, and are able to get a good credit rating, maintain it ------ and it will speed you in style to your destination. If you let your guard down, it will damage your ability to get a job, rent an apartment, or borrow money to buy a car or a home or for your kids’ education.

• Take good care of your health

Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, and don’t smoke. Avoid alcohol, if you can and definitely avoid it, if you are drinking more than once or twice a week. Get yourself into simple things like Yoga or just walking 30-45 minutes per day.
I took yoga as a subject in my school days and practiced all the asanas and poses that I had learned. Then life got busy and I rarely got a chance to do it. During my 2005 trip to India, I had a slightly high blood pressure so my family doctor suggested that I start some yoga exercises. I did and loved getting back into it. It is very relaxing and helps me immensely. I try to go for a daily walk of at least 45 -60 minutes. If you have a family history (like I do) of diabetes and blood pressure, exercise is best bet.

After you turn 30, get regular check ups. Build a relationship with your physician and nurses. Get to know them and help them get to know you.

• Manage your own money

Learn about options, bonds and stocks. There is a lot to read about these on the web. Understand simple mathematics of interest and Principal. Remember that banks compound interest on your savings. Understand how to minimize tax impacts on your earnings.
My simple rule of thumb is – save at least 10% of whatever you make for your rainy day. Always have at least 6 months of savings, based on your current expenses, as your buffer. Anything more than that can be used for whatever you want to splurge on.

Go for 401k investments in your company, even if the company does not contribute. Try and save 15 percent of your income, from the time you start working, in your 401K and you should be fine when you retire. Spread the allocations and update your allocations frequently based on how the market is doing. Diversify your risk by buying very low-cost index funds or exchange-traded funds. Look carefully at the charges and fees for investing. If you don’t have the 401K options, look towards Roth IRA, where you pay the taxes now, when you are in a lower income bracket, and take the money out tax-free later.

Have at least one account with a good Credit Union, for your day-to-day finances. They pay a higher interest and cheaper loans. Also, consider saving with online banks – like ING. And always check for FDIC insurance of your banks.

• Build a Network

My dad always said – the only real wealth one accumulates in the world is friendship. I have come to realize that is very true. The good thing about friends is that you choose them, unlike with relatives. In my humble opinion, a friend is one who can tell you that you are doing something wrong. And still be around when things are not working well for you. With good friends, you don’t have to pretend – you just be who you are. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t been in touch in years – you always pick up where you last left off. That has been the case with my friends and me.
Even at work, talk to your colleagues. Establish a relationship with your boss and your boss’s boss. Meet your boss for a one on one meting at least once a month to go over what you are doing right or wrong. Meet your Boss’s boss (with your boss’ knowledge) at least once or twice a year. Meet people outside of your work too and build a relationship with them. Meet people at your religious gatherings and get to know them. You never know when you might need a referral and knowing someone may come in handy.

• Be grateful

Finally, always be grateful for what ever you have received. Remember, it could be worst than what it is. Contribute to the community and be involved. Get involved with a cause that is worthwhile. The way to do it is by looking at the expense ratio. If the organization consumes more than 10% of the funds it collects for itself, I think it is wasting money. There are several small groups that are doing very good work but lack the means or don’t feel the need to advertise.

I normally avoid religion-based groups, as I personally don’t believe in converting people’s religion and faith. If someone wants to do social service, they should just focus on that and preserve the local culture.

I think I will stop here. More until next time!