A feeling of success

Back in 2000, when I told my relatives and friends that I planned to move to USA, many of them expressed concerns about taking my daughters with me. “You guys will lose your touch with the Indian culture”, or “forget about the Indian values and ethics” were the most common concerns voiced openly by many of my pals. Of course, they were happy for me and the opportunity I was getting, but they were also concerned how I’d bring up my daughters in the "wild" western world.

To be honest, I was equally concerned too. I had heard quite a few wild tales about the western culture, how people especially teenagers lost out on their culture, values and the like. Indians, like folks from most other countries, only delved on what was presented in the movies. One commonly saw depictions of the “modern” society in the west and how all the depravity of materialism crept in. So, with a lot of apprehension, I landed in the US in Nov. of 2000. I still remember the girls – all of 9 years and 8 years old, shivering in the freezing air of San Francisco, waiting for the airport shuttle to come pick us up at the SFO International terminal. Somehow, I just knew that with the blessings of my elders and the affections of my friends, we’d all be fine.

My american life started with me leaving for work at 6.30 AM, after lighting a lamp in front of the shrine I created at home, and sitting in front of the gods with hands folded, eyes shut, murmuring my prayers and seeking their blessings. I returned home around 6 PM after a long day, working hard to prove myself in this new work place. My wife was a stay at home mom for about 2 years initially. She developed a lot of contacts with other families. There weren’t a lot of Indians in San Ramon back then, so we were lucky to get into a network of Indian families – all thanks to Nandita’s networking capabilities. Then in 2001, we heard about the Hindu Sangam, which was the first attempt to bring the Bay Area Indians together under the Umbrella of Hindu Swayamsewak Sangh (HSS), and they had a massive event planned in Milpitas, with Anup Jalota performing Bhajans. My daughters participated in the Ramayana play, performed by the kids from all over the Bay area. The event got all of us hooked into the local chapter of the Hindu Shakha, called as Chanakya Shakha (Shakha means branch of a tree).

I firmly believe that Shakha has been a huge help in keeping my girls firmly engaged in the activities of the Hindu community and learning about the Indian culture and values. It is free for attendees and they conduct yoga, teach Sanskrit Shlokas, and bring in subject-matter-experts to give discourses called as bouddhik (intelligent discussions). They organize events and get together to celebrate Hindu functions and festivals like Ganesh utsav, Diwali, Sankranti, India’s independence and republic days, Guru Parab (when students felicitate a teacher of their choice), Pongal and many more.  I watched as my wife and daughters got involved in the Shakha by helping plan the events, often taking part in the plays, or skits or just being the compere. They picked up the leadership skills required to control a crowd of 100-200 people. I was impressed when Shivangi, my elder daughter, facilitated a planning meeting with extreme efficiency, zero nonsense and kept nudging the participants to the topic under discussion – something I rarely see in many business meetings. And I was honestly surprised by the genuine interest both girls showed in participating in the Shakha activities. They attended their camps, both mini and the annual Sangh Shiksha Varg with enthusiasm; they built close friendships with kids from other shakhas; and were looked up to as leaders and idols by younger kids.

 

Switch forward to 2012. Shivangi turned twenty one years old in Sept. We wanted to do something for the occasion and the girls surprised my wife and I by wanting us to do a Satya Narayan katha at home. I thought they probably meant that we organize a katha and they’d sit in it on the side as attendees, while my wife and I did the pooja. No sir – they wanted to do it themselves. I wasn’t sure if the priest would consider the girls doing the pooja, so I called my regular priest and asked him about it – to my surprise he agreed to let the girls lead us in the prayer. Another surprise was in store, when both of them dressed up in Saris (see picture above) and sat patiently through the entire prayer ceremony, doing all the rituals with full concentration and dedication. The priest was delighted and said he hadn’t seen that in recent years amongst kids of that age. Needless to say that Nandita and I were thrilled.

Then just last week, Neha – my younger daughter who is studying in Saint Mary's college, a Catholic, Lasallian, liberal arts college, rooted in the life and work of Saint John Baptist de La Salle (founder of the Christian Brothers and the patron saint of teachers) – told me that her class was going to visit the Hindu temple in Livermore. Now, though her major is Biochemistry, one of her subjects is Religions of India, which she wanted to study as she thought it would help her learn more about India. I asked if I could tag along to the temple, and she agreed. So, on a Wednesday evening she and her friend, Heather, stopped by to quickly change into Indian clothes, and off we went to the temple. I promised to stay out of their way and do my own thing while they moved along with their class led by Professor Norris. Along the way to the temple, it was such a pleasure hearing Heather and Neha talk about Gita and Indian religions like Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism and Islam. Even more pleasant was the way Neha conducted herself in the temple. She was the only Hindu girl in the group of students (probably about 50 kids), and she held her own there by doing everything the way it should be done in a temple. She’d enter the deity’s sanctum with her right foot, touch the feet of the idol, come out and do a parikrama and then apply the holy vermillion to her forehead. I got to see all that from a distance as I sat in a corner meditating. Her professor later told me that he was leading a group of 40 students to a tour of Indian Holy cities in January, including a trip to the Holy Prayag (I was surprised that he used that instead of commonly used Allahabad) Kumbha which happens once every 12 years and draws millions of people.

 

Seeing all this, I think I haven’t done too badly in bringing up my kids. Based on what I have seen during my recent trips to India, I feel people outside India are more Indian than many Indians back in India – who unfortunately tend to copy what the movies depict as the real American life, which is a lot different in reality. In our case, the credit goes to my wife, the volunteers in the Shakhas here (who have worked hard to keep the Hindu culture alive in US) and to our friends here who have kept us grounded to our values and culture.

I like to think I have been successful in one of my goals in life at least. Hopefully, my kids will be successful in their careers and life in general too. And above all, I pray that they become good human beings.