To Celebrate Life or Grieve Death

I got a chance today to attend the 12^th ceremony, normally held on the 12^th day after the passing away of an individual. The departed soul was about 85 years of age and was perfectly healthy, except for the last couple of days in his life.

While there, I was surprised to see that the family was dressed to the hilt. Normally, in the Indian Customs, the grieving family shuns away any signs of showmanship. So, naturally this behavior intrigued me.

I got talking to the wife of the departed man. And I am glad I did --- this was an eye opener for me – a real lesson in principles of Life.

They had been married for about 66 years!!! Both were very religious people their entire lives – devotees of Lord Krishna. I asked her – how does it feel now that he is no longer with you. The answer surprised me. Half expecting her to start weeping, I was genuinely surprised when she said that everyone comes to the world alone. You get to live alone for a few years- perhaps 17-23 years – then, you get married and start living with another person for a few years – perhaps 30- or 40 years – and then one has to live alone again. This is how life is supposed to be. As Gita says – what did you bring with you, and what can you take with you? You came alone and you will go alone.

For people who have migrated from their country and are far away from home, it is very difficult to be in touch with their heritage and customs. This couple had been away from India for the last 24 years. So how did they manage to keep their culture alive? She and her husband wrote everything down in a diary for their kids to follow – what to do in which ceremony, how to celebrate the festivals, etc. Tedious task – but looks it paid off for them and their family.

I asked her if she was sad at the loss. Again, she looked at me and said why should she be? She and her husband had believed and taught their children, that Happiness and sorrow were momentary and always went hand in hand. Don’t be too happy when you are celebrating your happiness and you won’t be sad when you are celebrating your sorrow. I know this is easier said than done – but this couple had practiced it all their lives. They taught the same doctrine to their kids and grand kids too. That was the reason why no one wept at the passing away of their beloved father or grandfather. They were celebrating his life.