So, India has another first in its vast history -- its first female president.
Pratibha Patil was elected as the first president of the country. In a country that has been known to respect the ladies and its women, this does not surprise me.
Wikipedia has a nice writeup on the president of India. You can see it at President of India .
Someone recently asked me how can I say that Indians respected women, when there have been incidents of Sati and bride burning. I understand their concerns but drew their attention to the fact that the rituals of Sati and Jauhar are known to have started in the medieval era only -- when India (then known as Bharat) was being attacked from the west. To save themselves from humility and trouble, wives and unwed girls killed themselves after their husbands were killed. The most common way was to jump in the pyre lit to cremate the husband. For those who are unaware, Sati is the term used to describe the ritual when the wife sits on the cremation pyre along with the dead husband's body. Jauhar on the other hand, is the term used to describe the ritual when all the ladies of the house jumped into the fire, mostly when their husband(s) or men were killed in a battle and the enemy was expected to loot the palace or kingdom. The most well known such cases were recorded in the Rajput states of Mewar (now Rajasthan).
A look in the early history tells us that Indians have treated their women as Goddesses as described in the Vedas. However, there has never been a mention of these rituals in earlier times. It was sheer call of the period that forced this custom amongst the women of Western India, and it gained an improper mention in the PR engines of the world, without giving the right reason for it.
Thankfully, this process is no longer followed. There have been few incidents where girls (more specifically brides) have been burnt, in most cases due to dowry related matters. Both these (dowry and burning) are crimes and are heavily punishable by law. In fact, I am told that the law in India goes to the length of saying that if the bride dies (of any cause) with in the first 7 years of marriage, there will be a judicial inquiry into her death. It is not a thing written in any religious book to burn anybody -- just some idiots, who feel that this is the only way they can show their power, turn to this stupid way. Little do they realize that this way they only show their impotence and powerlessness. It is a most heinous crime and should be deplored by one and all.
Hopefully, Ms. Patil's appointment to the highest office in the country will let the women in India know they have more power and rights. She has very big shoes to fill in, as the office of the President of India has been occupied by leaders like Dr. Radhakrishnan, Dr. Rajendra Prasad and the outgoing President, Dr. Kalam. There have been women leaders before Ms. Patil (Rani Lakshmi Bai - who led the first war for freedom from the British, Sarojini Naidu - a great freedom fighter and Mrs Indira Gandhi, to just name a few). Hopefully, she will bring honor to these names and also to the women of India.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
My anniversary and how I met my wife
Sorry for the delay in writing this blog.
Simply put – I have been busy. I just celebrated my 20th marriage anniversary!! Woo Hoo!! We had a beautiful time while on vacation – it was a wonderful time at a beautiful place.
I guess 20 years is a long time, by any standards. My wife and I have known each other for 25 years and been married for 20. It does seem like a long time – but I remember every day of this period, almost as if it just happened just yesterday. No seriously – I could tell you everything we have done over the past 25 years. It has been a ride – not always smooth, but a beautiful and enjoyable ride nevertheless. We have had our ups and downs, the storms and the calms, and what not – but what is important is that we have made it so far.
I feel as if this match was made in heaven - -perhaps that is why we were born just 5 days apart. She was born in Gwalior, a former princely estate in the central part of India. I was born in Indore, a few hundred kilometers to the south west. Her parents were both Ph.D – her father in Zoology and her mother in Chemistry. My Parents were both Doctors too – my dad a MD in Pharmacology and my mother in Obstetrics and Gynecology. Two of her three brothers went to the same school as I did.
But – we met in college in Indore. We were both studying for our Bachelors in Science in 1981. It was the second year of a three year course, and both of us were in the same class. Surprisingly, we never talked that year – perhaps because we were both very reserved and introvert. It was my first experience in a public college and coming from the sheltered life of an elite private (called as public schools in India – and these are top of the line institutes) school, I was just trying to figure out the system.
Finally, in the third and final year, there was this very boring zoology class going on. The professor was teaching something about Salamanders and every student in the class was bored. I was the only one writing something in my notebook – it was notes, but I was writing the lyrics of Paul McCartney’s song, somebody who cares. His album, Tug of war had just come out and I was (still am) a huge fan of his work. She thought I was taking notes and asked me to show her my note book. I gave it to her smiling sheepishly. She thought I was writing a poem (whatever!!!).
That was the only talk we had that day. Next day, as luck would have it, I was late for my zoology lab. Unluckily, the lab staff did not allow anyone coming in late to join the lab, which was about an important dissection of frog. So, nobody believed my reason that I had a flat in my bike and it looked like I’d miss the dissection. So she put in a word for me. Her dad was a professor in the same college and it helped. She offered to show me the demonstration that I had missed and we got talking over a dead frog and a bunch of calipers/forceps.
So, we discussed my “poem” and I found out that she wrote poems too (I didn’t). Her brothers were engineers and two had studies as Government of India Scholars in my school. We talked about our families and things in general. But that was about it. The very next day, we met in the Chemistry lab but I avoided saying anything, as I didn’t want her to feel that just because we talked the day prior, I had the right to say something to her. I still get ribbed about it.
Anyway, we kept talking off and on for the next few months. Just before the final exams, we were trying to go over some dissection practice together and she convinced her dad to show a few to us. So, I went to her house with the animals (a dog fish and a pila) and her dad showed us the dissections. That was my first trip to her house and a chance to meet her parents. Of course, her dad had seen us talk in the college, but we were just friends then. We continued to be friends over the summer vacation too. Then we traveled together to Delhi, to give a medical entrance exam. She stayed at her aunt’s place and I stayed at my aunt’s. It was on the journey back that we felt close and we held hands almost all the way back from Nagda (a small station midway) to Indore.
Then we joined the masters program – she in Biochemistry and I in Chemistry. We were closer friends now. Things got better from this point onwards and we started going out. We saw a few movies together, had lunch at a few spots in Indore and visited each others homes. Almost a year after our train journey together, we finally told each other that we really liked being each others company and would like to be together as a couple. Our parents still had no clue about all this; although I am pretty sure her dad had some idea as did mine. You see, my father had friends in the staff and they would often tell him that I was talking to this girl under a tree. Indore was a small place and it still doesn’t take a lot of effort to find out about someone. Also, remember that it wasn’t very common in those days to see a guy and a girl going out together – not to say that it didn’t happen.
We knew there would be trouble. We were of different sub-castes, though both of us were Hindus. She was a Brahman and I a Kayastha. Eventually, she told her eldest brother’s wife who decided to meet me. We met over lunch in a Chinese Restaurant called as Hong Kong Cuisine. Luckily for me, things worked for us and I was called for a full fledged interview at her house with her family. Boy, what a grilling that was – all three brothers were there. They asked me tons of questions about my plans, my life etc. etc. Finally, I won their approval. Her mother was not very happy, but finally relented.
On my front, I chose to tell my aunt first and then to my dad. My dad was a bit apprehensive at first, but then agreed to meet her family. My mother was a different story and didn’t like my choice (I have a faint feeling that she still doesn’t – but it is too late to even think of changing things now, right?). It turned out that my dad and her mother had studied in the same college and my father knew about her family. That helped.
So, to make matters simple, we got married in 1987. I was still studying – having decided to switch to electronics engineering in 1985 – in the second year of a 4 year course. For two years, I was in Pune while she was at my house with my parents (in India, children often stay with their parents -- just the roles reverse, as parents age and the kids, mostly sons, take care of the parents). I will write more about that later in another section some other time, just like I feel I have to write and tell you all about the process of arranged marriages in India.
It has been 20 years of marriage and 25 years of having known each other. We have been through a lot, have come a long way and are closer than ever. We still have a lot to do and still have a long way to go. I hope to give you all more insight into our life together as we carry on with this blog.
Simply put – I have been busy. I just celebrated my 20th marriage anniversary!! Woo Hoo!! We had a beautiful time while on vacation – it was a wonderful time at a beautiful place.
I guess 20 years is a long time, by any standards. My wife and I have known each other for 25 years and been married for 20. It does seem like a long time – but I remember every day of this period, almost as if it just happened just yesterday. No seriously – I could tell you everything we have done over the past 25 years. It has been a ride – not always smooth, but a beautiful and enjoyable ride nevertheless. We have had our ups and downs, the storms and the calms, and what not – but what is important is that we have made it so far.
I feel as if this match was made in heaven - -perhaps that is why we were born just 5 days apart. She was born in Gwalior, a former princely estate in the central part of India. I was born in Indore, a few hundred kilometers to the south west. Her parents were both Ph.D – her father in Zoology and her mother in Chemistry. My Parents were both Doctors too – my dad a MD in Pharmacology and my mother in Obstetrics and Gynecology. Two of her three brothers went to the same school as I did.
But – we met in college in Indore. We were both studying for our Bachelors in Science in 1981. It was the second year of a three year course, and both of us were in the same class. Surprisingly, we never talked that year – perhaps because we were both very reserved and introvert. It was my first experience in a public college and coming from the sheltered life of an elite private (called as public schools in India – and these are top of the line institutes) school, I was just trying to figure out the system.
Finally, in the third and final year, there was this very boring zoology class going on. The professor was teaching something about Salamanders and every student in the class was bored. I was the only one writing something in my notebook – it was notes, but I was writing the lyrics of Paul McCartney’s song, somebody who cares. His album, Tug of war had just come out and I was (still am) a huge fan of his work. She thought I was taking notes and asked me to show her my note book. I gave it to her smiling sheepishly. She thought I was writing a poem (whatever!!!).
That was the only talk we had that day. Next day, as luck would have it, I was late for my zoology lab. Unluckily, the lab staff did not allow anyone coming in late to join the lab, which was about an important dissection of frog. So, nobody believed my reason that I had a flat in my bike and it looked like I’d miss the dissection. So she put in a word for me. Her dad was a professor in the same college and it helped. She offered to show me the demonstration that I had missed and we got talking over a dead frog and a bunch of calipers/forceps.
So, we discussed my “poem” and I found out that she wrote poems too (I didn’t). Her brothers were engineers and two had studies as Government of India Scholars in my school. We talked about our families and things in general. But that was about it. The very next day, we met in the Chemistry lab but I avoided saying anything, as I didn’t want her to feel that just because we talked the day prior, I had the right to say something to her. I still get ribbed about it.
Anyway, we kept talking off and on for the next few months. Just before the final exams, we were trying to go over some dissection practice together and she convinced her dad to show a few to us. So, I went to her house with the animals (a dog fish and a pila) and her dad showed us the dissections. That was my first trip to her house and a chance to meet her parents. Of course, her dad had seen us talk in the college, but we were just friends then. We continued to be friends over the summer vacation too. Then we traveled together to Delhi, to give a medical entrance exam. She stayed at her aunt’s place and I stayed at my aunt’s. It was on the journey back that we felt close and we held hands almost all the way back from Nagda (a small station midway) to Indore.
Then we joined the masters program – she in Biochemistry and I in Chemistry. We were closer friends now. Things got better from this point onwards and we started going out. We saw a few movies together, had lunch at a few spots in Indore and visited each others homes. Almost a year after our train journey together, we finally told each other that we really liked being each others company and would like to be together as a couple. Our parents still had no clue about all this; although I am pretty sure her dad had some idea as did mine. You see, my father had friends in the staff and they would often tell him that I was talking to this girl under a tree. Indore was a small place and it still doesn’t take a lot of effort to find out about someone. Also, remember that it wasn’t very common in those days to see a guy and a girl going out together – not to say that it didn’t happen.
We knew there would be trouble. We were of different sub-castes, though both of us were Hindus. She was a Brahman and I a Kayastha. Eventually, she told her eldest brother’s wife who decided to meet me. We met over lunch in a Chinese Restaurant called as Hong Kong Cuisine. Luckily for me, things worked for us and I was called for a full fledged interview at her house with her family. Boy, what a grilling that was – all three brothers were there. They asked me tons of questions about my plans, my life etc. etc. Finally, I won their approval. Her mother was not very happy, but finally relented.
On my front, I chose to tell my aunt first and then to my dad. My dad was a bit apprehensive at first, but then agreed to meet her family. My mother was a different story and didn’t like my choice (I have a faint feeling that she still doesn’t – but it is too late to even think of changing things now, right?). It turned out that my dad and her mother had studied in the same college and my father knew about her family. That helped.
So, to make matters simple, we got married in 1987. I was still studying – having decided to switch to electronics engineering in 1985 – in the second year of a 4 year course. For two years, I was in Pune while she was at my house with my parents (in India, children often stay with their parents -- just the roles reverse, as parents age and the kids, mostly sons, take care of the parents). I will write more about that later in another section some other time, just like I feel I have to write and tell you all about the process of arranged marriages in India.
It has been 20 years of marriage and 25 years of having known each other. We have been through a lot, have come a long way and are closer than ever. We still have a lot to do and still have a long way to go. I hope to give you all more insight into our life together as we carry on with this blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)