I was recently at a get together with some friends from India. The atmosphere was informal, food was good (Assorted parathas, served with assorted pickles, Kadhi and Raitas can always be a treat). As always happens, we started talking about the business and economic boom in India.
Someone mentioned a very interesting fact -- in one month, the cell phone subscribers in India, had grown to about 9 million -- up 2 million over the previous month. On an average, the customer was paying $2-4 per month in India and the companies were reaping in profits. Compare that with the figures in US -- there are at least ten times more cell phone users, who on an average pay about $40 per month. Yet the companies are on shaky grounds. Some bigger companies have started showing profits lately, but over all the system is a losing model.
The difference lies in the legal system. The legal system in US for criminal cases is probably the best anywhere. But for civil cases, it just doesn't support the business. Any system that ensures a payoff to the tune of $160 million to someone who is being kicked off the post has to have something wrong with it.
Why does the health care cost so much? Just look at the legal cost borne by the doctors and health staff -- it is phenomenal. The rich keep getting richer and it does not bother them to pay a few thousand bucks for their health coverage. It is the middle class and lower income families that have to suffer -- either they can't pay the health benefits or they pay through their noses. It is they who have to support the illegal immigrants, who can't be turned away from the hospitals. It should not take a rocket scientist to figure the logic here. All you need is a strong political figure, who can lay a meddle ground for everyone to use.
We really need to simplify the civil rights laws. Some things are just not legal things. There are things required for business that need to be done. If that helps benefit the country in terms of economy, it is worth it.
Just my two cents -- feel free to share your thoughts on this.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
New blog on Indian Heritage, culture and Traditions
I decided to open up another blog to write about the extremely rich traditions of India, its heritage and culture. You can find it here.
Sandeep's blog will be more personal and will tell about specific events in my life and express my opinion and write about the Indian touch where ever possible.
Hope you will enjoy both.
Send me your comments and suggestions.
Sandeep's blog will be more personal and will tell about specific events in my life and express my opinion and write about the Indian touch where ever possible.
Hope you will enjoy both.
Send me your comments and suggestions.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Importance of a thumb and two fingers
We recently purchased a set of Cutco knives from my daughter’s friend, who was selling them to gain some money for her College education starting this year. Boy, are they sharp!! More like surgical knives!
Anyway, to make a long story short, within a week of buying the new knives, my wife cut up fingers up. It was a Saturday and I was away with the kids at the Piano classes when I get this call from my wife. She was panting and asking me how much time would I need to reach home. Well – I was about 20 miles away and the kids were just finishing the lessons, so I assumed about 30 minutes. Then I was informed that she had sliced her fingers with the new knives. I, being my stupid ignorant self – not having learnt from my 20 years of married experience, thought this was a minor cut but then was told that the cuts are deep and there was lot of blood flowing out. Yikes!!!
The knife was new and was as sharp as a surgical knife. Needless to say, the cut was really deep and she was bleeding badly. She tied tourniquets above her elbow and kept her hand raised high up over her head. She squeezed ice cubes to stem the flow of the blood. But after about 40 min of this, the blood was still not stopping and that made her think that she was in trouble.
So I told her to contact our neighbors, who were unfortunately out. Then my wife reached out to our friends, who stay a couple of mile away in the same town. Luckily, Keerti was there and decided to come over right away. She too thought it was a minor thing, until she reached home and saw her hand. I, in the meanwhile, was zooming on the freeway and made it home just in time to see Keerti driving out of my driveway. They told me they were going to the ER.
The ER was a long wait. After almost an hour, a nurse came out to see and told us that she was going to need stitches. It took nearly 2 hours before the doctor could come over. By then the bleeding had kind of tapered down and was no longer gushing out, so he chose to put a kind of bio-glue called as Derma Bond. It seals the skin and the blood vessels. I thought it would be a good thing to sell with the Cutco knives in the future and am going to recommend it to that company. They may have a new market for this product, if they can get the clearance to sell that glue.
Anyway, my wife’s fingers were bandaged heavily and each bandage was about 3 times its size to protect it. By the late after noon, the bleeding was contained, and the pain had stopped.
It has been about 2 weeks to the incident, now as I write this. My wife had trouble doing a lot of work since the two fingers (fore finger and the middle finger) in her left hand were damaged. But this brought a couple of interesting historical things to my mind.
According to a popular myth the two-fingers salute and/or V sign derives from the gestures of long bow men fighting in the English army at the Battle of Agincourt during the Hundred Years' War. The story claims that the British archers were very good and to over come their skills, the French started capturing the suspected British archers and cutting off two fingers on the right hand of captured archers. The thought was that this would prevent them from holding the arrow and shooting accurately. However, as luck would have it, the British still won and to tease the French, they saluted them with two fingers and said Pluck Yew!! The gesture was a sign of defiance by those who were not mutilated. (This false etymology has also given rise to an alternative name for the gesture, which can also be known as flicking an "Archers Salute" or just "Archers" as in "He just flicked me an Archers!".) The website Snopes, however, shows that medieval warriors had no interest in capturing common archers that could not be held for ransom, preferring instead to simply kill such prisoners. Furthermore, mutilating a prisoner to stop them from using a bow wouldn't make sense, since killing them would stop them from ever serving the enemy again. There is also the fact that contemporary accounts of the battle make no references to the French mutilating their prisoners by cutting off fingers from their hands. The first definitive known reference to the V sign is in the works of François Rabelais, a French satirist of the 1500s.
The other historical incident is from the Indian tale of Mahabharata, supposedly about 5000 years ago. For those that are not aware, Mahabharata is the epic of a huge war between the armies of the first cousin brothers – the Pandavas, who were 5 brothers with a common wife, and the Kauravas, who were 100 brothers – all born around the same time using artificial techniques (similar to the test tube available technology today). In the story, when the kids are young, they all study archery from the same Guru, Acharya Drona (Acharya means Professor). Drona liked Arjun and promised to make him the best archer in the world. Now, one of the adivasis (aborigines in India), Eklavya also wants to learn archery from Drona, but Drona declines saying that he will only teach the Princes from the Royal Family. Eklavya is upset but not heart broken – he builds a mud statue of Drona and practices by himself in the forest, soon mastering the art. One day, the princes go out on a hunt into the forest along with some dogs. One of the dogs goes close to where Eklavya is practicing and starts barking. To shut him up, Eklavya shoots 5 arrows into his mouth before the dog can close its mouth, without killing the dog. The dog runs back to the princes who are astonished at the feat. They ask Eklavya who did he learn the art from and he proudly points to the statue of Drona. The princes go back to Drona and Arjun tells him the whole story. He also asks Drona how the Acharya could go back on his promise of making Arjun the best archer in the world. So, Drona tells Arjun not to worry and they decide to go and meet Eklavya. Eklavya is thrilled to meet his Guru and bows to him. Drona tells him that he is glad to see that Eklavya was able to learn from him even by not attending the classes in person. But, since he had used the services of the Guru, he had to pay the Guru his Dakshina (which was a fee the students paid the Guru after their education was completed). Eklavya was more than happy to ask the Guru what he wanted for his Dakshina/fee and to the utter dismay of everyone present, Drona asked for the right thumb of Eklavya. Even more amazing was the fact that Eklavya promptly chopped it off to give it to his guru. The thought behind this request was that if the thumb of the hand that pulls the string and holds the arrow, as it is pulled from the quiver and placed on the string, is not there, the archer will not be able to shoot accurately.
However, Eklavya was still able to master the art using his forefinger and his middle finger, but his efficiency did come down and Arjun did become the best archer in the world.
Anyway, to make a long story short, within a week of buying the new knives, my wife cut up fingers up. It was a Saturday and I was away with the kids at the Piano classes when I get this call from my wife. She was panting and asking me how much time would I need to reach home. Well – I was about 20 miles away and the kids were just finishing the lessons, so I assumed about 30 minutes. Then I was informed that she had sliced her fingers with the new knives. I, being my stupid ignorant self – not having learnt from my 20 years of married experience, thought this was a minor cut but then was told that the cuts are deep and there was lot of blood flowing out. Yikes!!!
The knife was new and was as sharp as a surgical knife. Needless to say, the cut was really deep and she was bleeding badly. She tied tourniquets above her elbow and kept her hand raised high up over her head. She squeezed ice cubes to stem the flow of the blood. But after about 40 min of this, the blood was still not stopping and that made her think that she was in trouble.
So I told her to contact our neighbors, who were unfortunately out. Then my wife reached out to our friends, who stay a couple of mile away in the same town. Luckily, Keerti was there and decided to come over right away. She too thought it was a minor thing, until she reached home and saw her hand. I, in the meanwhile, was zooming on the freeway and made it home just in time to see Keerti driving out of my driveway. They told me they were going to the ER.
The ER was a long wait. After almost an hour, a nurse came out to see and told us that she was going to need stitches. It took nearly 2 hours before the doctor could come over. By then the bleeding had kind of tapered down and was no longer gushing out, so he chose to put a kind of bio-glue called as Derma Bond. It seals the skin and the blood vessels. I thought it would be a good thing to sell with the Cutco knives in the future and am going to recommend it to that company. They may have a new market for this product, if they can get the clearance to sell that glue.
Anyway, my wife’s fingers were bandaged heavily and each bandage was about 3 times its size to protect it. By the late after noon, the bleeding was contained, and the pain had stopped.
It has been about 2 weeks to the incident, now as I write this. My wife had trouble doing a lot of work since the two fingers (fore finger and the middle finger) in her left hand were damaged. But this brought a couple of interesting historical things to my mind.
According to a popular myth the two-fingers salute and/or V sign derives from the gestures of long bow men fighting in the English army at the Battle of Agincourt during the Hundred Years' War. The story claims that the British archers were very good and to over come their skills, the French started capturing the suspected British archers and cutting off two fingers on the right hand of captured archers. The thought was that this would prevent them from holding the arrow and shooting accurately. However, as luck would have it, the British still won and to tease the French, they saluted them with two fingers and said Pluck Yew!! The gesture was a sign of defiance by those who were not mutilated. (This false etymology has also given rise to an alternative name for the gesture, which can also be known as flicking an "Archers Salute" or just "Archers" as in "He just flicked me an Archers!".) The website Snopes, however, shows that medieval warriors had no interest in capturing common archers that could not be held for ransom, preferring instead to simply kill such prisoners. Furthermore, mutilating a prisoner to stop them from using a bow wouldn't make sense, since killing them would stop them from ever serving the enemy again. There is also the fact that contemporary accounts of the battle make no references to the French mutilating their prisoners by cutting off fingers from their hands. The first definitive known reference to the V sign is in the works of François Rabelais, a French satirist of the 1500s.
The other historical incident is from the Indian tale of Mahabharata, supposedly about 5000 years ago. For those that are not aware, Mahabharata is the epic of a huge war between the armies of the first cousin brothers – the Pandavas, who were 5 brothers with a common wife, and the Kauravas, who were 100 brothers – all born around the same time using artificial techniques (similar to the test tube available technology today). In the story, when the kids are young, they all study archery from the same Guru, Acharya Drona (Acharya means Professor). Drona liked Arjun and promised to make him the best archer in the world. Now, one of the adivasis (aborigines in India), Eklavya also wants to learn archery from Drona, but Drona declines saying that he will only teach the Princes from the Royal Family. Eklavya is upset but not heart broken – he builds a mud statue of Drona and practices by himself in the forest, soon mastering the art. One day, the princes go out on a hunt into the forest along with some dogs. One of the dogs goes close to where Eklavya is practicing and starts barking. To shut him up, Eklavya shoots 5 arrows into his mouth before the dog can close its mouth, without killing the dog. The dog runs back to the princes who are astonished at the feat. They ask Eklavya who did he learn the art from and he proudly points to the statue of Drona. The princes go back to Drona and Arjun tells him the whole story. He also asks Drona how the Acharya could go back on his promise of making Arjun the best archer in the world. So, Drona tells Arjun not to worry and they decide to go and meet Eklavya. Eklavya is thrilled to meet his Guru and bows to him. Drona tells him that he is glad to see that Eklavya was able to learn from him even by not attending the classes in person. But, since he had used the services of the Guru, he had to pay the Guru his Dakshina (which was a fee the students paid the Guru after their education was completed). Eklavya was more than happy to ask the Guru what he wanted for his Dakshina/fee and to the utter dismay of everyone present, Drona asked for the right thumb of Eklavya. Even more amazing was the fact that Eklavya promptly chopped it off to give it to his guru. The thought behind this request was that if the thumb of the hand that pulls the string and holds the arrow, as it is pulled from the quiver and placed on the string, is not there, the archer will not be able to shoot accurately.
However, Eklavya was still able to master the art using his forefinger and his middle finger, but his efficiency did come down and Arjun did become the best archer in the world.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
First female president in India
So, India has another first in its vast history -- its first female president.
Pratibha Patil was elected as the first president of the country. In a country that has been known to respect the ladies and its women, this does not surprise me.
Wikipedia has a nice writeup on the president of India. You can see it at President of India .
Someone recently asked me how can I say that Indians respected women, when there have been incidents of Sati and bride burning. I understand their concerns but drew their attention to the fact that the rituals of Sati and Jauhar are known to have started in the medieval era only -- when India (then known as Bharat) was being attacked from the west. To save themselves from humility and trouble, wives and unwed girls killed themselves after their husbands were killed. The most common way was to jump in the pyre lit to cremate the husband. For those who are unaware, Sati is the term used to describe the ritual when the wife sits on the cremation pyre along with the dead husband's body. Jauhar on the other hand, is the term used to describe the ritual when all the ladies of the house jumped into the fire, mostly when their husband(s) or men were killed in a battle and the enemy was expected to loot the palace or kingdom. The most well known such cases were recorded in the Rajput states of Mewar (now Rajasthan).
A look in the early history tells us that Indians have treated their women as Goddesses as described in the Vedas. However, there has never been a mention of these rituals in earlier times. It was sheer call of the period that forced this custom amongst the women of Western India, and it gained an improper mention in the PR engines of the world, without giving the right reason for it.
Thankfully, this process is no longer followed. There have been few incidents where girls (more specifically brides) have been burnt, in most cases due to dowry related matters. Both these (dowry and burning) are crimes and are heavily punishable by law. In fact, I am told that the law in India goes to the length of saying that if the bride dies (of any cause) with in the first 7 years of marriage, there will be a judicial inquiry into her death. It is not a thing written in any religious book to burn anybody -- just some idiots, who feel that this is the only way they can show their power, turn to this stupid way. Little do they realize that this way they only show their impotence and powerlessness. It is a most heinous crime and should be deplored by one and all.
Hopefully, Ms. Patil's appointment to the highest office in the country will let the women in India know they have more power and rights. She has very big shoes to fill in, as the office of the President of India has been occupied by leaders like Dr. Radhakrishnan, Dr. Rajendra Prasad and the outgoing President, Dr. Kalam. There have been women leaders before Ms. Patil (Rani Lakshmi Bai - who led the first war for freedom from the British, Sarojini Naidu - a great freedom fighter and Mrs Indira Gandhi, to just name a few). Hopefully, she will bring honor to these names and also to the women of India.
Pratibha Patil was elected as the first president of the country. In a country that has been known to respect the ladies and its women, this does not surprise me.
Wikipedia has a nice writeup on the president of India. You can see it at President of India .
Someone recently asked me how can I say that Indians respected women, when there have been incidents of Sati and bride burning. I understand their concerns but drew their attention to the fact that the rituals of Sati and Jauhar are known to have started in the medieval era only -- when India (then known as Bharat) was being attacked from the west. To save themselves from humility and trouble, wives and unwed girls killed themselves after their husbands were killed. The most common way was to jump in the pyre lit to cremate the husband. For those who are unaware, Sati is the term used to describe the ritual when the wife sits on the cremation pyre along with the dead husband's body. Jauhar on the other hand, is the term used to describe the ritual when all the ladies of the house jumped into the fire, mostly when their husband(s) or men were killed in a battle and the enemy was expected to loot the palace or kingdom. The most well known such cases were recorded in the Rajput states of Mewar (now Rajasthan).
A look in the early history tells us that Indians have treated their women as Goddesses as described in the Vedas. However, there has never been a mention of these rituals in earlier times. It was sheer call of the period that forced this custom amongst the women of Western India, and it gained an improper mention in the PR engines of the world, without giving the right reason for it.
Thankfully, this process is no longer followed. There have been few incidents where girls (more specifically brides) have been burnt, in most cases due to dowry related matters. Both these (dowry and burning) are crimes and are heavily punishable by law. In fact, I am told that the law in India goes to the length of saying that if the bride dies (of any cause) with in the first 7 years of marriage, there will be a judicial inquiry into her death. It is not a thing written in any religious book to burn anybody -- just some idiots, who feel that this is the only way they can show their power, turn to this stupid way. Little do they realize that this way they only show their impotence and powerlessness. It is a most heinous crime and should be deplored by one and all.
Hopefully, Ms. Patil's appointment to the highest office in the country will let the women in India know they have more power and rights. She has very big shoes to fill in, as the office of the President of India has been occupied by leaders like Dr. Radhakrishnan, Dr. Rajendra Prasad and the outgoing President, Dr. Kalam. There have been women leaders before Ms. Patil (Rani Lakshmi Bai - who led the first war for freedom from the British, Sarojini Naidu - a great freedom fighter and Mrs Indira Gandhi, to just name a few). Hopefully, she will bring honor to these names and also to the women of India.
My anniversary and how I met my wife
Sorry for the delay in writing this blog.
Simply put – I have been busy. I just celebrated my 20th marriage anniversary!! Woo Hoo!! We had a beautiful time while on vacation – it was a wonderful time at a beautiful place.
I guess 20 years is a long time, by any standards. My wife and I have known each other for 25 years and been married for 20. It does seem like a long time – but I remember every day of this period, almost as if it just happened just yesterday. No seriously – I could tell you everything we have done over the past 25 years. It has been a ride – not always smooth, but a beautiful and enjoyable ride nevertheless. We have had our ups and downs, the storms and the calms, and what not – but what is important is that we have made it so far.
I feel as if this match was made in heaven - -perhaps that is why we were born just 5 days apart. She was born in Gwalior, a former princely estate in the central part of India. I was born in Indore, a few hundred kilometers to the south west. Her parents were both Ph.D – her father in Zoology and her mother in Chemistry. My Parents were both Doctors too – my dad a MD in Pharmacology and my mother in Obstetrics and Gynecology. Two of her three brothers went to the same school as I did.
But – we met in college in Indore. We were both studying for our Bachelors in Science in 1981. It was the second year of a three year course, and both of us were in the same class. Surprisingly, we never talked that year – perhaps because we were both very reserved and introvert. It was my first experience in a public college and coming from the sheltered life of an elite private (called as public schools in India – and these are top of the line institutes) school, I was just trying to figure out the system.
Finally, in the third and final year, there was this very boring zoology class going on. The professor was teaching something about Salamanders and every student in the class was bored. I was the only one writing something in my notebook – it was notes, but I was writing the lyrics of Paul McCartney’s song, somebody who cares. His album, Tug of war had just come out and I was (still am) a huge fan of his work. She thought I was taking notes and asked me to show her my note book. I gave it to her smiling sheepishly. She thought I was writing a poem (whatever!!!).
That was the only talk we had that day. Next day, as luck would have it, I was late for my zoology lab. Unluckily, the lab staff did not allow anyone coming in late to join the lab, which was about an important dissection of frog. So, nobody believed my reason that I had a flat in my bike and it looked like I’d miss the dissection. So she put in a word for me. Her dad was a professor in the same college and it helped. She offered to show me the demonstration that I had missed and we got talking over a dead frog and a bunch of calipers/forceps.
So, we discussed my “poem” and I found out that she wrote poems too (I didn’t). Her brothers were engineers and two had studies as Government of India Scholars in my school. We talked about our families and things in general. But that was about it. The very next day, we met in the Chemistry lab but I avoided saying anything, as I didn’t want her to feel that just because we talked the day prior, I had the right to say something to her. I still get ribbed about it.
Anyway, we kept talking off and on for the next few months. Just before the final exams, we were trying to go over some dissection practice together and she convinced her dad to show a few to us. So, I went to her house with the animals (a dog fish and a pila) and her dad showed us the dissections. That was my first trip to her house and a chance to meet her parents. Of course, her dad had seen us talk in the college, but we were just friends then. We continued to be friends over the summer vacation too. Then we traveled together to Delhi, to give a medical entrance exam. She stayed at her aunt’s place and I stayed at my aunt’s. It was on the journey back that we felt close and we held hands almost all the way back from Nagda (a small station midway) to Indore.
Then we joined the masters program – she in Biochemistry and I in Chemistry. We were closer friends now. Things got better from this point onwards and we started going out. We saw a few movies together, had lunch at a few spots in Indore and visited each others homes. Almost a year after our train journey together, we finally told each other that we really liked being each others company and would like to be together as a couple. Our parents still had no clue about all this; although I am pretty sure her dad had some idea as did mine. You see, my father had friends in the staff and they would often tell him that I was talking to this girl under a tree. Indore was a small place and it still doesn’t take a lot of effort to find out about someone. Also, remember that it wasn’t very common in those days to see a guy and a girl going out together – not to say that it didn’t happen.
We knew there would be trouble. We were of different sub-castes, though both of us were Hindus. She was a Brahman and I a Kayastha. Eventually, she told her eldest brother’s wife who decided to meet me. We met over lunch in a Chinese Restaurant called as Hong Kong Cuisine. Luckily for me, things worked for us and I was called for a full fledged interview at her house with her family. Boy, what a grilling that was – all three brothers were there. They asked me tons of questions about my plans, my life etc. etc. Finally, I won their approval. Her mother was not very happy, but finally relented.
On my front, I chose to tell my aunt first and then to my dad. My dad was a bit apprehensive at first, but then agreed to meet her family. My mother was a different story and didn’t like my choice (I have a faint feeling that she still doesn’t – but it is too late to even think of changing things now, right?). It turned out that my dad and her mother had studied in the same college and my father knew about her family. That helped.
So, to make matters simple, we got married in 1987. I was still studying – having decided to switch to electronics engineering in 1985 – in the second year of a 4 year course. For two years, I was in Pune while she was at my house with my parents (in India, children often stay with their parents -- just the roles reverse, as parents age and the kids, mostly sons, take care of the parents). I will write more about that later in another section some other time, just like I feel I have to write and tell you all about the process of arranged marriages in India.
It has been 20 years of marriage and 25 years of having known each other. We have been through a lot, have come a long way and are closer than ever. We still have a lot to do and still have a long way to go. I hope to give you all more insight into our life together as we carry on with this blog.
Simply put – I have been busy. I just celebrated my 20th marriage anniversary!! Woo Hoo!! We had a beautiful time while on vacation – it was a wonderful time at a beautiful place.
I guess 20 years is a long time, by any standards. My wife and I have known each other for 25 years and been married for 20. It does seem like a long time – but I remember every day of this period, almost as if it just happened just yesterday. No seriously – I could tell you everything we have done over the past 25 years. It has been a ride – not always smooth, but a beautiful and enjoyable ride nevertheless. We have had our ups and downs, the storms and the calms, and what not – but what is important is that we have made it so far.
I feel as if this match was made in heaven - -perhaps that is why we were born just 5 days apart. She was born in Gwalior, a former princely estate in the central part of India. I was born in Indore, a few hundred kilometers to the south west. Her parents were both Ph.D – her father in Zoology and her mother in Chemistry. My Parents were both Doctors too – my dad a MD in Pharmacology and my mother in Obstetrics and Gynecology. Two of her three brothers went to the same school as I did.
But – we met in college in Indore. We were both studying for our Bachelors in Science in 1981. It was the second year of a three year course, and both of us were in the same class. Surprisingly, we never talked that year – perhaps because we were both very reserved and introvert. It was my first experience in a public college and coming from the sheltered life of an elite private (called as public schools in India – and these are top of the line institutes) school, I was just trying to figure out the system.
Finally, in the third and final year, there was this very boring zoology class going on. The professor was teaching something about Salamanders and every student in the class was bored. I was the only one writing something in my notebook – it was notes, but I was writing the lyrics of Paul McCartney’s song, somebody who cares. His album, Tug of war had just come out and I was (still am) a huge fan of his work. She thought I was taking notes and asked me to show her my note book. I gave it to her smiling sheepishly. She thought I was writing a poem (whatever!!!).
That was the only talk we had that day. Next day, as luck would have it, I was late for my zoology lab. Unluckily, the lab staff did not allow anyone coming in late to join the lab, which was about an important dissection of frog. So, nobody believed my reason that I had a flat in my bike and it looked like I’d miss the dissection. So she put in a word for me. Her dad was a professor in the same college and it helped. She offered to show me the demonstration that I had missed and we got talking over a dead frog and a bunch of calipers/forceps.
So, we discussed my “poem” and I found out that she wrote poems too (I didn’t). Her brothers were engineers and two had studies as Government of India Scholars in my school. We talked about our families and things in general. But that was about it. The very next day, we met in the Chemistry lab but I avoided saying anything, as I didn’t want her to feel that just because we talked the day prior, I had the right to say something to her. I still get ribbed about it.
Anyway, we kept talking off and on for the next few months. Just before the final exams, we were trying to go over some dissection practice together and she convinced her dad to show a few to us. So, I went to her house with the animals (a dog fish and a pila) and her dad showed us the dissections. That was my first trip to her house and a chance to meet her parents. Of course, her dad had seen us talk in the college, but we were just friends then. We continued to be friends over the summer vacation too. Then we traveled together to Delhi, to give a medical entrance exam. She stayed at her aunt’s place and I stayed at my aunt’s. It was on the journey back that we felt close and we held hands almost all the way back from Nagda (a small station midway) to Indore.
Then we joined the masters program – she in Biochemistry and I in Chemistry. We were closer friends now. Things got better from this point onwards and we started going out. We saw a few movies together, had lunch at a few spots in Indore and visited each others homes. Almost a year after our train journey together, we finally told each other that we really liked being each others company and would like to be together as a couple. Our parents still had no clue about all this; although I am pretty sure her dad had some idea as did mine. You see, my father had friends in the staff and they would often tell him that I was talking to this girl under a tree. Indore was a small place and it still doesn’t take a lot of effort to find out about someone. Also, remember that it wasn’t very common in those days to see a guy and a girl going out together – not to say that it didn’t happen.
We knew there would be trouble. We were of different sub-castes, though both of us were Hindus. She was a Brahman and I a Kayastha. Eventually, she told her eldest brother’s wife who decided to meet me. We met over lunch in a Chinese Restaurant called as Hong Kong Cuisine. Luckily for me, things worked for us and I was called for a full fledged interview at her house with her family. Boy, what a grilling that was – all three brothers were there. They asked me tons of questions about my plans, my life etc. etc. Finally, I won their approval. Her mother was not very happy, but finally relented.
On my front, I chose to tell my aunt first and then to my dad. My dad was a bit apprehensive at first, but then agreed to meet her family. My mother was a different story and didn’t like my choice (I have a faint feeling that she still doesn’t – but it is too late to even think of changing things now, right?). It turned out that my dad and her mother had studied in the same college and my father knew about her family. That helped.
So, to make matters simple, we got married in 1987. I was still studying – having decided to switch to electronics engineering in 1985 – in the second year of a 4 year course. For two years, I was in Pune while she was at my house with my parents (in India, children often stay with their parents -- just the roles reverse, as parents age and the kids, mostly sons, take care of the parents). I will write more about that later in another section some other time, just like I feel I have to write and tell you all about the process of arranged marriages in India.
It has been 20 years of marriage and 25 years of having known each other. We have been through a lot, have come a long way and are closer than ever. We still have a lot to do and still have a long way to go. I hope to give you all more insight into our life together as we carry on with this blog.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Beauty in Glass
This was displayed in one of the stalls at the Art and Wind festival. The depth of vision and the blue color gives a good effect to this photo.
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